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Goddammit, folks, strap yourselves in, 'cause I'm about to shoot straight from the hip on this one! I'm Jim Cornette, and if you thought I was gonna talk about that AEW nonsense in the Constitution Preamble, well, you're outta your damn mind. But, just for the hell of it, here it goes:
"We the people, who actually know what good wrestling is, in order to form a more perfect union of wrestling fans who appreciate a damn headlock, are sick and tired of these flips and dives that pass for wrestling these days."
"Establish justice in the wrestling world by putting an end to this high-flying, no-selling, phony-baloney garbage that's making a mockery of our beloved sport."
"Ensure domestic tranquility by bringing back some damn storytelling, selling, and psychology to the squared circle, instead of these spot-fests that make me want to puke!"
"Provide for the common defense of traditional wrestling, because we're under attack by these so-called 'revolutionaries' who wouldn't know a wrestling hold if it bit 'em in the ass!"
"Promote the general welfare of all wrestling fans who are sick and tired of the circus that AEW has become!"
"And secure the blessings of classic wrestling to ourselves and our posterity, 'cause it's high time we teach the next generation that there's more to wrestling than just doing flips and kicks!"
There you have it, folks! A Constitution Preamble that tells AEW exactly what it needs to hear. And if you don't like it, well, you can kiss my old-school, wrestling-loving ass!
