>>10325759I don't really know that I can answer that succinctly anon. At this point it feels like some desperate attempt to piece myself back together and not be so depressed/suicidal. To find or believe some impossible answer to an impossible question, that I already know the answer to. Chasing a life changing experience that never comes, or at least the dissociative afterglow I used to get where I didn't want to kill myself for a month or two afterwards. Don't really get that anymore, but hope for it each time.
I'm just a very depressed person and I think on some level I actually enjoy and feel I deserve psychologically torturing myself in lieu of actually killing myself. At least while my parents are still alive anyway. Snorted the first "Mo" part I crushed up and feeling a lil spacey. Probably about 200mg of FXE of so, and another 200-300mg to go.
It's getting hard to type, put on some headphones and fly around the universe for lil bit. It flips and twirls in on itself ever collapsing and rebuilding, scaling walls and sheer cliff faces rotating like gears. Twirls into a plain into a mountain into a lake into a sea and the greatest city to the seat you're sitting in as the crowd roars and the music bubble holds is together on wyhr 4D plane roratinting with tthe sounds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu2HPYlOQFc 