>go to take a shit in the middle of the night
>already a shoot 18 inch log in the toilet perfectly coiled around on itself like a wound up rope
>you start to throw up in your mouth
>hear hysterical laughter from the bedroom
>"THAT WAS A BIG SHIT HUH ANON!"
>the next morning
>you bend over to tie your shoes
>Shotzi jumps out from around the corner, sneaks up on you and starts humping you
>"IF I HAD A DICK I'D BE FUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU RIGHT NOW"
>be at work
>check your phone on break
>57 missed texts from Shotzi
>it's all shit emojis
