Alright, listen up, you sorry bunch of jabronis! Tonight, I've got a bone to pick, a gripe that's been festering in my gut like a bad burrito from a sketchy street cart! You see, tonight, I'm not just here to wrestle. No, I'm here to lay down the cold, hard truth! And that truth is about a place that's got more problems than a three-legged mule trying to tap dance its way out of a swamp! That's right, I'm talking about Brazil!

Brazil, oh Brazil, the land of samba, soccer, and sizzle! But let me tell you something, folks, beneath that colorful facade lies a cesspool of chaos and calamity! You think the Amazon rainforest is wild? Well, that's nothing compared to the jungle of corruption and crime that runs rampant in Brazil!

Let's talk about their so-called "football" obsession! Sure, they can kick a ball around like nobody's business, but when it comes to real competition, they fold faster than a house of cards in a hurricane! And don't even get me started on their political circus! It's like watching a bunch of clowns trying to run a country, except it's not funny – it's downright pathetic!

And let's not forget about their beaches, oh no! Sure, they might look like paradise on the surface, but take one step into that water and you'll come out looking like you just wrestled a sewer gator!

So tonight, when I step into that ring, I'm not just fighting for victory – I'm fighting for truth, justice, and the American way! And I'll be damned if I let some sorry excuse for a country like Brazil stand in my way! So bring it on, Brazil! Because tonight, I'm going to show the world why you suck harder than a vacuum cleaner in a tornado!