>Ospreay - Danielson
I was getting really hungry and Dave was going to feed me. He was completely ignoring me and saying how amazing this match was. To me, it looked like a ballet recital for Swan Lake. I hate swans. 3 meatballs
>Okada - PAC
Okada was supposedly the biggest star in Japan. They eat dogs there, right? PAC has bigger ears than me. 2 meatballs
>Young Bucks - FTR
Every time the Bucks slap their legs to call me over, when I get there, they just say, "what do you want?" The bald FTR guy held me once and his thumb was unwelcoming. 1.5 meatballs
>Toni Storm - Thunder Rosa
Toni's gimmick is that she's in black and white. That's everyone's gimmick to me. Rosa seems like she could cook a good tamale. 3 meatballs
>Swerve Strickland - Samoa Joe
Swerve is the first black AEW champion, but is still very green, I could run the ropes better than him. When are getting a first canine champion? 2.5 meatballs
>House of Black - Rated Chicken Kings
Not a fan of satan worshipping animal sacrificers, but what's not to like about a team named after chicken. Every time I see Eddie in catering, he slips me a piece of roast beef. 5 meatballs
>Roderick Strong - Kyle O'Reilly
Where the fuck did these guys come from lmao. Same weight class as me. 2 meatballs
>Chris Jericho - Hook
People kept throwing frisbees overboard on Jericho's cruise to try and get me to fetch them. There was more liquor than food and what little they had, the fat smarks onboard were reluctant to share. Hook's an okay kid though. 2.5 meatballs
>Willow Nightengale - Julia Hart
Julia hangs out with those devil worshippers, but Willow smells really really bad, and that's over huge with my dog nose. 4.5 meatballs