Quoted By:
>theme music hits on Raw
>no pop because it's Ryback
>gets a mic
>"North Dakota, gimme an R!"
>silence
>"Gimme a Y!"
>silence
>"Anyway, it's great to be back. I hope you're ready for me to be fed more, Rybackers. To start with, I'm going to eat an entire jar of sugar-free gummi bears"
>For seventeen painful, drawn-out minutes, Ryback downs the contents of a jar of gummi bears so large it could be used as a door stop in a bank vault
>Samantha gets on the mic: "And his opponent... weighing in at 895lbs, from the Toilet... BASTIONNNNNNNNN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNIORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
>out comes the literal fattest man you have ever seen to the biggest pop since Austin helped Mankind win the WWF Championship. Also he is black, as Triple H is not a racist.
>Ryback squares up with Booger Jr
>Booger Jr burps in Ryback's face and the Ryback falls over.
>Booger Jr does a Wario butt drop on Ryback's guts and pins him for the 3 in a 4 second match to thunderous applause, fans are jerking off and cumming all over one another, everyone's getting naked and making out
>Ryback gets back on the mic
>"Uh oh, you guys, my tummy doesn't feel so good"
>He blasts out a deafening shit which shoots him skyward with the force of the rocket nozzle from Mario Sunshine, shooting him into the arena roof and breaking his neck, killing him instantly as shit rains down on a largely indifferent audience
>Michael Cole addresses the camera: "But on a more entertaining note, folks, don't go away because up next I'm gonna kick Pat McAfee in the knackers eight million times AS RAW ROLLS ON"
