[Scene: Ford’s Theatre. The play “Our American Cousin” is underway. The audience is laughing. Cut to the presidential box.]

Jim Ross:
“It’s a calm night here at Ford’s Theatre—President Lincoln enjoying a well-earned evening out. But wait a minute—WHAT THE HELL?! WHO IS THAT?!”

[Gunshot rings out.]

JR:
“BAH GAWD, HE SHOT HIM! HE SHOT THE PRESIDENT! JOHN WILKES BOOTH JUST SHOT ABRAHAM LINCOLN!”

Jerry Lawler:
“WHAT?! Did that really just happen, JR?! That lunatic just pulled a pistol and shot the President in the head!”

JR:
“This is a national tragedy unfolding right before our eyes, King! The leader of the free world just got gunned down in a theater box—IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY!”

[Booth leaps to the stage with a knife in hand.]

JR:
“GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, HE’S GOT A KNIFE TOO! THAT DERANGED MANIAC JUST JUMPED FROM THE BALCONY! AND HE’S SCREAMING—WHAT IS HE—‘SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS?!’ IS THIS REAL LIFE?!”

King:
“He’s making a run for it! He’s trying to escape! That’s a coward, JR—an absolute coward!”

JR:
“He broke his damn leg on the landing but he’s still hobbling away! Somebody tackle that bastard! Where’s security?! WHERE IS ANYONE?!”

[Panic spreads through the theater. Doctors rush to Lincoln’s side.]

King (in disbelief):
“JR… the President’s not moving…”

JR (somber):
“My God… President Lincoln is down. This is… this is beyond anything we’ve ever seen, King. I can’t even process it.”

King:
“This isn’t just history… this is horror, JR. It’s like watching the soul of a nation shatter in real time.”

JR:
“Folks, I wish we were calling a wrestling match right now. I wish this was a story angle. But it’s not. This is real. This is raw. Abraham Lincoln—the Great Emancipator—has just been struck down in cold blood.”

[Silence. Chaos. People screaming in the background.]