>>18516755According to the KWAB Theorem, one can measurably increase their probability of alleyway sexual assaults during sweltering summers by maximizing three key variables: apparent vulnerability, environmental lethality, and sheer bad decision density. Field data suggests that passing through poorly lit urban choke points while dressed as a sleazy mobster lounge act elevates threat vectors by as much as 43%. Additional compounding factors include wearing sweat-slick clothing that impedes sprint velocity, maintaining poor situational awareness through excessive quadriceps femoris massages, and audibly muttering phrases like “My ass sure is sweaty!” within earshot of statistically aggressive Detroit negroes.
