>>18835468Edge vs Christian in a loser-leaves AEW match. I don't care if it doesn't make sense from a storyline perspective since they just teamed up. It'd pop a rating.
Tony comes out and announces that he wants MJF to die so he books MJF vs the entire roster. The whole thing is just MJF getting completely obliterated for 20 minutes. He leaves in an ambulance.
Throughout the whole show Satnam Singh randomly slings women over his shoulder and then takes them somewhere off camera. It's implied that he's raping them.
Daniel Garcia gets a new gimmick where he's on a pogo stick all the time because he's afraid to touch the "filthy, germ-covered floor". He has a match with Big Bill where he promptly gets knocked to the mat, then begins clutching at his face screaming about how he's been "tainted" and runs away. He's never seen again.
The whole female roster has a hardcore lingerie pudding match.
Wheeler Yuta has a scooter race with Mox but he crashes into a trash can and breaks his leg. A tearful Mox says Yuta will have to be euthanized and covers the camera with his hand. Yuta is never seen again.
Bobby Lashley and Claudio Castagnoli have a race war grudge match. If Lashley wins then it becomes legal to kill white people and if Claudio wins slavery gets reinstated. During the match Tony excitedly comes out clutching some bagpipes, gets in the middle of the ring with a mic, and says "HEY EVERYBODY SORRY TO INTERRUPT BUT I JUST LEARNED THE BAGPIPES! CHECK THIS OUT!" and he starts playing the bagpipes. Claudio and Lashley look at each other, look at Tony, look back at each other, and then start beating the shit out of Tony. They shake hands, agree bagpipes are fucking gay, and go out for beers.
The main event is Darby Allin vs Samoa Joe in a rooftop monster truck deathmatch. Joe's truck gets pushed off the building where it crashes to the ground and explodes. Darby then coffin drops the burning wreckage. Both men are presumed dead.
Easy milly.
