Quoted By:
>Listen up, you blue-shirted geeks, you pimple-faced cashiers, you minimum-wage morons behind that counter—SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION, 'cause the Prince of Returns has got a lotta things to say!
>First off, to all you loyal customers out there—stop worryin', stop cryin', the Prince is back in the store! I'm still lookin' good, I'm still pretty, baby! George Clooney's got NOTHIN' on this! But now... as far as this defective, this ink-clogged, this paper-jamming piece of JUNK printer—they sold it to me, it split my patience wide open, it attacked my deadlines, it attacked my home office, it attacked my number one assistant—my wife—and does Best Buy do a DAMN thing about it? Hell NO! They pat the manufacturer on the back, tell 'em they did good, and then they have the nerve—the AUDACITY—to enforce this 30-day policy on ME! What the hell is this conspiracy all about? Is it because I'm so much smarter, so much better lookin' than all these receipt-checkin' idiots out there? But you know what—it really doesn't matter... because the payback is comin', baby! And the payback is gonna be HELL!
>I'm talkin' YOU, Kyle—you little jive-talkin' barcode monkey, runnin' around mad 'cause corporate won't give you a raise! Why don't you grow up and do somethin' you're qualified for, like stockin' shelves! And you, Karen the manager—you corporate bull dyke hidin' in the back—the last time you helped a customer, you WERE one! You got some she-freak over here quotin' policy like it's the Bible, and together you two psychos are viciously denyin' my rightful return! You ALL can bring it on!
>And as far as YOU'RE concerned, Best Buy—you're a two-bit, 35-cent corporation with a customer service and return policy to match it! And ya might as well GIVE IT UP, sweetie, and go back to sellin' VHS tapes in the '90s with that greedy, shareholder-addicted board of yours!
