I can't go to sleep. I just keep thinking about what a cunt Emily is and how poorly I was treated by the justice system even though I didn't get found guilty. I just shouted "start the fucking trial" at my ceiling fan and then started crying.
I'll never be able to be an ally to women or believe all women ever again. I'll never be able to befriend or trust another human being as long as I live. I'm tired. I'm tired of having to secretly record every human interaction I have. I just want life to end but staying alive is the only "fuck you" I still have left for this hollow world.
I never did anything to her but now on the other side of all of this I know that I absolutely would now if given the chance. She turned me into a potential abuser by lying about me already being one, and now I can't stand myself.
And fuck that judge. Motherfucker insisted on throwing the trial out so that there wouldn't be a record of any of this shit happening. I hope he lives a long life full of anxiety and misery like mine is.