>>6038454>EXCERPT FROM THE NOTES OF CORRESPONDENT #314, AKA "RICHARD", ETC."My lemonade venture began rockily-- I was informed some of the voting public found my presence 'creepy,' a criticism I did not understand-- but improved when I took a page from Charlotte's book and adulterated my lemonade with alcohol. As far as I understand it, this altered my perceived clientele from children to adults, who have greater freedom and spending power. I should have thought of this to begin with.
I began by adding a quantity of flavorless liquor to the lemonade, which was successful enough, but my sales skyrocketed when I pulled out the bourbon. Though originally intended to fuel my own sales efforts, I was notified that the combination of bourbon and lemonade made the delicious 'whiskey sour,' which I could produce in large quantities. It was no less than a revelation. I won cleanly after that."
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>>6041842"Were the organizers now inebriated? It would explain the next 'challenge'-- yes, that is 'challenge' in scare quotes. Underwater welding, pitted against the tiny creature. Laughable. I was no expert in welding, but I needed no equipment for the water, and thanks to Charlotte I had full-scale limbs and thumbs-- plus, I found the venture pleasurable, even meditative. None of these were true for the creature: I could have welded a battleship in the time it took for it to weld a single metal plate. It was so small, so eager, so pathetically out-of-its-depth, that I admit it stirred something in me. Not enough to enable its win, of course. I am not so beyond repair. But after I completed my assignment, I did assist it with some particularly difficult-to-reach places. May she never call me heartless again."
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>>6040284"Impressions. The imitation of another's face, voice, and mannerisms. I was deemed an underdog in this fight, which means there's parts of myself the powers-that-be cannot see. Good. They are unaware that that my face and mannerisms belong to one man, and my voice belongs to another. They are unaware I am a walking impression. A parody. With comedy, you portray yourself, and nothing is more difficult. With impressions, you portray anybody else, and nothing is more simple.
There is almost nothing inherent to a snake. All they have is what they take: from the world, and from their prey. I would not eat the youth's voice-- a disqualification-- but I would swallow it and spit it from my own lips. I would not take his face-- mine was wedded to me, or welded-- but my garments had no such restriction. I would study his gormless naivete and mimic that too. His impression of me was game. My impression of him was flawless.
In the end we tied. Evidently I was not 'funny' enough."
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