>>6122167You've spent decades worth of sleepless nights on a bed that was much too large for one woman in a home that was so spacious that it felt daunting. You daydream of warm, loving arms wrapping you in a comforting embrace; your lungs slowly expanding as you breathe in tender fantasies. Your eyes flutter open as you exhale; there's no doubt in your heart: you've got to find a girl that smothers you with <span class="mu-r">physical attention</span>. Yes... a <span class="mu-g">decisive and assertive</span> beauty. You can feel your skin heating up as you imagine <span class="mu-b">several activities to do with such a woman.</span> You feel a burst of motivation, and thus begins your search.
But how does one find a suitable partner? You hesitantly rub your cheek as you pace back and forth in your chambers. You are what most humans would call a MONSTER (it took YEARS to reclaim that word as more than a slur), and while you haven't interacted with many monsters other than your fellow undead, you feel now is the best time to try. You pull your CELLPHONE out and aptly Google "monster singles near me". A myriad of unhelpful ads, articles, and phishing links are the first results to show up. Urghh... this is far too complicated.
You make the executive decision to just download the first monster dating app you see on the App Store. Okay, <span class="mu-s">MonsterMingle</span>... oh, that one's rated 3.5 stars. Um, you better skip that one. <span class="mu-s">Plenty of Creeps</span>... what an awful name. <span class="mu-s">OkCryptid</span>... looks cute, but you're reading some unsavory reviews. You're getting more and more frustrated. You haven't even started swiping or meeting anyone yet, how is it this difficult already?
You're just about to give up and take an angry nap when you scroll down to <span class="mu-s">Bramble</span>. It's sleek and the reviews are refreshingly positive. The promotional material on the store page isn't desperately vying for you to download it, and it just looks fun. You have a good feeling about this one.
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The app has finished downloading, and you excitedly open it up and create an account. You feel giddy typing up your profile.
<span class="mu-s">Thema, 98</span>
Occupation: Queen of the Egyptian Underworld
Sex: Female
Looking for: Female
Height: 5'4"
Smoking: Yes
Star Sign: Libra
Want kids: Undecided
Want: Long-term relationship
Activities: Travel, Walking, Yoga, Wine Tasting, Dancing, Kissing
Interests: Historical Literature, True Crime, Spa, Home Decor
I get way too excited about: Old film reruns on TV
I want you to: Pick me up and make out with me
The quickest way to my heart is: Calling me baby
After you finish, you start swiping for a bit but seeing other girls' profiles gets you really worried that yours sucks. Were you too bold... maybe not bold enough? You decide to turn off your phone and take a break from the app for a bit; you can always change something later, and hey, maybe you'll get a few matches. (1/2)