>>5425339“You act tough…” Laughs the terrible turkey as he steps on an out-of-place <span class="mu-g">NEESAN ULTIMATE: NOW WITH A LOWER APR THAN EVER BEFORE</span>, “But I know who you are… and I wanna <span class="mu-i">see</span> it!”
“If you insist…” Sighs Stan as she holsters the whip once more, “Sorry, father, but I’m going to have to break a few more <span class="mu-g">PACK RULES</span> today…”
Ripping open her jumpsuit and revealing some sizable sweater puppies in a lacy bra that makes even <span class="mu-i">you</span> blush, your second-hand embarrassment quickly fades when a half-finished CGI model appears over the actress!
“Time…” Snarls Stan in a vicious, throaty growl, “To <span class="mu-r">WOLF YOU DOWN!</span>”
Letting loose a feral howl, the CGI model forms into a werewolf that tackles the turkey!
“AAAAAAnd <span class="mu-s">CUT!</span>” Announces Tucker with pride in his voice! “Good take, everyone! Good take!”
“Well?” Eddie asks with a smile as Sammi brushes her hair with a haughty smirk, “What’ja think? Was that <span class="mu-i">spicy</span> or what?”
What did you <span class="mu-i">THINK</span>!? Who came up with this crap anyways!? They oughta’ get their head examined… or <span class="mu-s">REPLACED!</span>
“Errr, Stan…” mutters Eddie in a hurt tone, “Y-you came up with it.”
Yea <span class="mu-i">RIGHT</span>, you snap as you bring the coffee to your lips again and nearly singe them off, this is nothing like what happened!
“Stan, you…” Eddie replies as he stumbles over his answer, “<span class="mu-s">You</span> told me this was exactly how it happened. Whip and all.”
<span class="mu-s">WHEN!?</span>
Pulling out a tape recorder from his pants pocket, Eddie gives you a pointed stare as he presses the ‘<span class="mu-i">PLAY</span>’ button.
“<span class="mu-i">S-so just to be clear…</span>” Begins <span class="mu-g">PAST EDDIE,</span> with trepidation in his voice, “<span class="mu-i">That’s… that’s REALLY what happened?</span>”
“<span class="mu-i">Coursh it wash!</span>” Slurs your unmistakably-gremlinesque voice, “<span class="mu-i">Fuggin’... w-werewolf n’ all, baby..</span>”
“<span class="mu-i">... You’re uh… you’re not drunk, right?</span>”
“<span class="mu-i">D-do*HICK*-do I SHOUNND DRUUUNG to YOU!?</span>”
“<span class="mu-i">... you know what? You don’t.</span>”
“<span class="mu-i">Dasssh ride, honey… Imma lodda thingsh, but ‘CANADEEN’ aind onnavem… fuggen momndad…</span>”
Pressing the ‘<span class="mu-i">STOP</span>’ button on the device, the screenwriter looks at you with a ‘<span class="mu-i">told-you-so</span>’ stare. “Well?”
Man, you sigh, you <span class="mu-i">MISS</span> getting drunk… dumbass <span class="mu-s">RANGER TALBOT…</span> Probably getting wasted in the woods right now, too…
>CONTD. 