>>6099993You barely manage to brace yourself before Volka leaps into a pose you can’t even see–the sudden movement and jangle of armor nearly sending you sailing into the stratosphere! “The Lamplighters are the lights keeping the darkness at bay! The last bastion between innocents and the forces of chaos! The shining blade carving through the shadows!”
You’re pretty sure you knew a girl like this in High School… Wonder where she ended up. So these Lamplighters, you begin with cautious excitement in your tone, they protect people?
“Hah! That’s like asking if fire warms you up!” She laughs, puffing out her broad chest with pride! “Yea, the Lamplighters protect people, but they do so much more as well!”
Like?
“Well we patrol, we greet everyone we see, we pick up trash, we make sure roads are in working order…”
So they’re a Neighborhood Watch, then.
“No, no… you’re thinking of the <span class="mu-b">Bellcounters–</span>they’re the watchmen employed by Crossroads! We don’t <span class="mu-i">NEED</span> payment!
Ah, so vigilantes.
“If that means ‘passionate home-grown heroes’, then yes, we’re a pack of raging vigilantes!” Nods Volka with pride! “Gotta protect your home, y’know?”
Seems pretty cool, you admit, do they get into a lot of fights?
“Weeeeelll the fights tend to find <span class="mu-i">us</span>,” Shrugs the amazon with a wag of her tail, “But don’t worry–our big rule is to <span class="mu-s">NEVER KILL!</span> That way they get a chance to amend their ways!”
Cool! So how do they do that? With magic?
“Nnnnno, usually we just knock them senseless. It’s worked so far!”
Your face starts to ache just thinking about Volka knocking anyone senseless.
“Now I know what you’re thinking: how can I get in on the action, right? How can I get a piece?”
You weren’t, actually, but she sounds excited about it so you make a grunting noise instead.
“I’m not gonna lie, Ant, it’s an exclusive brotherhood… and the path to becoming a TRUE Lamplighter is paved with blood, sweat, and krutze…”
You blink. Krutze?
“Yes, blood, sweat, and krutze…” Volka repeats in a solemn tone, “But you’re in luck, because you happen to be speaking to the one… the only…” She pauses to throw her arms out to the side, nearly hurling you into the abyss in the process! “<span class="mu-s">LAMPLIGHTER GRAND MARSHALL!</span>”
You give your guide a polite clap, unsure of how to respond. It seems to work. “Yes, yes… hold the applause please…”
>CONTD. 