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Before you can come up with an answer, both your stomachs do it for you–filling the night air with a pair of hair-raising growls, you and Talbot exchange knowing glances before following your noses to the bounty of tasty treats waiting for you in the <span class="mu-g">FOOD COURT!</span>
Descending on the unwitting food vendors like a locust swarm of biblical proportions, you and your date go from stall to stall gathering a hoard representing all of a carnival’s essential food groups: <span class="mu-b">GREASE, OIL, SATURATED FATS, SODIUM,</span> and, most importantly, <span class="mu-b">BEER!</span>
Staggering over to a secluded picnic table caked in only a smattering of seagull crap, the two of you drop your feast in front of you with a triumphant ‘<span class="mu-i">THUD!</span>’
“Man,” groans Talbot as he bites into a <span class="mu-b">DEEP-FRIED ICE CREAM CONE,</span> “why the hell do people spend money on other food when you can get all this for, like, twenty bucks?”
Because they’re <span class="mu-i">saps</span>, you explain as you take a sip from one of the many pitchers of beer you acquired, a bunch of puppets getting their strings pulled by <span class="mu-r">BIG FOOD!</span>
“Glad I’m not the only sane one left…” Grumbles your date as he thaws a brain freeze by stuffing a few pieces of <span class="mu-b">CHOCOLATE-COVERED BACON</span> into his mouth! “Shtil shugs dat dey made ush leef, doh…”
He did the right thing, okay!? Besides, you add as you dig into the tower of <span class="mu-b">BURGERS</span> sitting in the center of the table, that guy was <span class="mu-s">assaulting</span> you–kicking his stupid stall was kid’s stuff in comparison!
“Friggin’ jerk wouldn’t give me my damn cone…” Snarls Talbot as he finishes his ice cream with a satisfied crunch! “Thinks he’s so smart, flipping it around with that stupid hat of his…”
Right?! And when he booped your nose with that mint chip?! Man, you growl, you’re… you’re <span class="mu-i">STEAMED!</span>
“Well shit, cool yourself down a bit!” suggests your bodyguard as he holds out a cone for you to munch on! “We can get revenge on his mustached ass later!”
Yea, you nod as you bite into the icy treat, he’s right… man, if you had gone another minute without some real food… Popping a handful of <span class="mu-b">DEEP-FRIED POTATOES</span> into your mouth, you share the wealth and chuck a few into Talbot’s open maw as well!
Chasing them with a bite from your <span class="mu-b">FREEDOM-SIZED FUNNEL CAKE,</span> you nearly choke on the powder as a sharp pain stabs through your heart! Keeling over onto the table, you spend a moment or two twitching before your date looks up from his beer!
“W-woah, shit! You good!?”
Yea, you hiss as you drown the fire with a swig of beer, this shit happens all the time–you’re used to it!
Slowly recovering, you finish eating your piece of funnel cake and give Talbot the all clear with a satisfied sigh… now <span class="mu-i">this</span> is food, you declare!
“Fuckin’ A!”
>CONTD.
