>>5262737You are squatting in contemptuous triumph over the inert ashen remnants, enticingly lowering your completely unarmoured, vulnerable crotch towards the blackened heap...
(Nothing happens. You grunt slightly with exertion)
You leave a scrotal imprint upon the ash pile, and brush blackened flecks of soot from your buttocks with a derisory flourish.
(as you turn to depart, the ashen pile begins to smoulder, cinders glowing orange with slight fury...)