>>5387535>>5387555Never fear, anon! Quick, take this Revolver Of Shamelessness, and use it to slay the Cringe Demon!
>Roll 1d81 You miss catastrophically. The monstrous recoil slams the smoking muzzle upwards, slapping you on the forehead. You fall stunned in embarrassment onto your backside, and your rump-bone feels very tender, becoming rapidly bruised as a mysterious patch of moistness seeps and spreads in an expanding puddle around you. Shameful crimson burns your cheeks. On your face. Your buttock cheeks are a different colour.
2 The powerful recoil and muzzle flash of the handgun deafens and blinds you. You flail around helplessly, as the Cringe Demon sobs and shudders with piteous moans. When you recover your senses the Cringe Demon has fled. Into your face. You wince, it is so embarrassing. Several days later you will remember this and cringe again, helplessly replaying the episode in your mind.
3 The hammer falls upon an empty chamber.
4 The bullet screams towards the target... if the target had been the sky.
5 You stub your finger on the trigger. Ouch! It is all crooked now.
6 Yes! You rolled a six! This means you critically massacre the Cringe Demon, right? But it is still there? Wait, is this revolver even loaded? A revolver has six chambers, right? What sort of stupid gun is this? Why can't you even shoot this Cringe Demon point blank in the face? It is right there...this is so embarrassing!
7 The handgun roars in your hand as you knock the Cringe Demon down. It is grievously wounded, and a mournful tear trickles down between the submissively clasped fingers hiding its meek and faltering face. The Cringe Demon will follow you around now, gasping, whinnying and whining in wretchedness.
8 You wield the Revolver Of Shamelessness in a canted tactical grip because you remember seeing some centre axis relock stuff from an old Splinter Cell videogame. The fact that you remember this might be cringeworthy but before you can introspectively reflect upon this, your flawlessly aimed bullet has demolished the Cringe Demon's flinching and cowering face. Irresistibly you wheel the Revolver Of Shamelessness around upon your palm and maybe you drop it but no-one saw and you are not embarrassed at all, for having slain the Demon Of Cringe, no sense of shame will ever dare haunt you again.
