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You decide to find out more about your powers, only to realize you have no idea how you're even supposed to do that.
You've experimented with your power a bunch, and you have a pretty good idea of your limits, but it doesn't seem like practice is how your magic actually improves, it's not exactly like a muscle you can flex until it rebuilds itself stronger.
You think about what Dusk said on increasing your magic potential. He said that you could absorb the magic of others, but also in a process unique to you specifically. He said that you should try to do what you did before on a larger scale.
There were only two cases of your magic changing: the original curse breaking (which made your magic weaker if anything), and looking at yourself in the mirror to observe your own patterns.
You have no idea how to even make a curse, which only leaves the second option: yourself. You try to think about what it would actually mean to look at yourself on a larger scale. You doubt it means using a larger mirror, you think it means looking at yourself 'harder'.
You know your patterns change slightly depending on your emotional state, that you can read symbols you couldn't before when let the weak part of you take over. The real you. You try to remember the moment you felt the weakest, the most 'you'. Only one time comes to mind in recent memory.
You have a terrible idea.
You call Etsy to the bathroom, and once she shows up, you tell her everything. The fact you actually feel like you can't even do much to protect her, that you're not doing enough to support her, that you love her, that maybe she'd be safer without you, that you really have no idea what you're doing, and you've done nothing but guess at the next best course of action.
It sucks, last time you were this earnest felt weird, but this makes you want to disrupt the pattern of a bullet so it lands directly in your cranium.
Her face is red, seems she focused more on the 'I love you' part than the rest, did you never tell her that? You thought you did. "Uhm, I'm not exactly...great either? I freak out over nothing, I'm a little jealous, and a lot of other things I d-don't like. Yeah, maybe you don't make that much money, or you can't make stuff like I can. But that's because I was...I guess, born a little talented? I'm just good at what I do, i-it doesn't make me a good person."
