Quoted By:
You summon the flight attendant and ask her nicely for a pair of headphones and all the snacks she can spare. She hands you a flimsy pair of cheap headphones, a small packet of crackers and an even smaller packet of honey roasted peanuts. "Perhaps you didn't hear me right, I said ALL the snacks" you utter.
"Sir," she replies with an English accent, "I can't give you all the snacks, I have to ensure there's enough for the other guests".
"Please," you plead with puppy dog eyes, "I'm disabled and my caretaker doesn't feed me!" Dr. Goldwater gives you a dirty look.
"Oh, alright" says the flight attendant, handing you two more packets each of the crackers and peanuts.
In the quietest whisper you can manage, you instruct Dr. Goldwater to stuff the snacks down his shirt and secure them in place with the headphone cable. "What's this for?" he asks, also whispering.
"You'll see. When I give the signal, take the flight attendant hostage!"
"What? How?"
"Use your imagination! And shout stuff in Arabic while you do it!"
"But I don't speak Arabic..."
"Just do your best!"
Dr. Goldwater swallows audibly. You summon the flight attendant again and ask her for help accessing the lavatory. She fetches a small portable wheelchair, helps you into it, and wheels you to the lavatory... in the back of the plane. "Take me to the one in the front, please" you ask her.
"I'm afraid I can't, the front lavatory is for first class only".
"Pleeeeaase," you continue, "there's something really important I have to do in the front!"
"Guests are not allowed to congregate in the front of the plane for security reasons. Whatever it is you have to do, you'll have to do it at your seat."
Grumbling, you make your way into the lavatory, pretend to use it and have the flight attendant return you to your seat. When you return, you find Dr. Goldwater, looking nervous and sweaty, must have misinterpreted your instructions to wait for the signal as he jumps up and grabs the flight attendant, pointing his pen at her throat. "What are you doing? Don't touch me!" she screeches.
"Allahu akbar! Lalala halal halal hummus! Baba ganoush! Lila amamama lamada hama... umm... doner kebab! Allah!"
The man seated in front of you turns around to face you. "That ees not funny! I am Egyptian and I know that ees not real Arabic! Now seet down and stay quiet, you fuckeeng re-tard!"
Great, Dr. Goldwater just ruined your plan, what a retard. What will you do now?
>Try to salvage the plan
>Scold Dr. Goldwater for his foolishness and act like it was all his idea
>Pee on the Egyptian guy
