>>6067559[CONJUGAL PERFORMANCE CEREMONY]
Build an Altar of wood, using a minimum of three fresh planks (picked and cut YOURSELF) for a teepee shape; usually four planks, a bigger one for a base, because you need to put things on it, and three smaller ones in a henge shape on top. You can nail or screw it together, but you don't have any right now, and wood-pegs are beyond you; instead you make a few shoddy fittings (just jags made with the axe and trimmed with the Dagger) and put as much tree gum as you can find on the joints. This is your Marital Home. So long as it is not destroyed (DO NOT REPAIR IF IT BREAKS; MAKE A NEW ONE) you can use it for the Ceremony.
Put two candles representing Groom and Bride in the Marital Home. You got a fair bit of animal and human fat from Seafood's left overs, and plenty of rag strips, which you kludge into candles for this purpose. So long as the candles are not totally spent they can be reused. Seafood says it is best if there is one red wax candle and one black wax candle, for the symbolism. You might try to find some later. If you bother.
Set 9 Oath Dishes in the Marital Home, around the two Candles (this is what the extra floor space is for). An Oath Dish is about a half-bite (Gobber bites are about Humie size; you all bite big) of all the food YOU eat. It is symbolically best if they are proper cooked food, and all different foods, but eh: you're in the wild right now, and there's still your own dried shit on your legs. She gets what you get. Even if it's 9 of the same type of grubber.
Set two Chopsticks, basically two shaved twigs of roughly equal length anywhere on the Altar. On the roof, in the house, on the "lawn", doesn't matter; anywhere on the structure. Symbolic, again; Chopsticks means Quick(ly produce) Sons, t. Seafood.
Now you're set up.
Light one candle (red for YOU) and wait, awake. The time it takes for your Bride to respond varies on things High or Low Days, Geomantic Conditions, Lunar Auspices, you don't get it, and it's not IMPORTANT. Just do the thing. Just wait until Gui Li is Ceremonially Present (anywhere up to an hour, very rarely more unless you have spectacularly pissed her off) (more than you have already), at which time the other candle (black) will gutter with a translucent green flame that gives no heat. Gui Li might or might not be visible at this time.
Now say the Nuptual Greeting out loud (not actually shouting, but your "outside voice"), which takes about 90 seconds at the correct tempo.
Gui Li will take up the Chopsticks and feed you half of each of the 9 Oath Dishes; when she's done, she will set them down. Now YOU do the same for her. Just pinch the food up with the Chopsticks, and hold it about your mouth level; it will suddenly vanish.
When all 9 ODs are done, lift and carry the altar above your head exactly 99 steps to its (95% approximate) original position.
Both candles should be out; Ceremony's done.
Pfehh. "Symbolic" "Sex".
Time for a wank!
