>>5206611>I would have liked to have seen some of Sathriel's constructs interviewing witnesses before the trial. I found a few of their conclusions to come a bit out of left field, most notably Lisa's arm being a Porcubus Prankster. It makes sense, but it not being accounted for is a piece of evidence we're not really shown until it becomes relevant, so it feels sudden. I would have liked to be able to make that conclusion ahead of time.I....gah. that comment has bothered me throughout the entire shift. Forgive me for committing a cardinal sin of writing mystery stories, that being "not leaving enough clues for the audience to piece together." The moment you said that I felt like I have failed outright in that regard.
>I would have liked it better if Solomon and Wan Yang were more coherent.Again...gah...I've spent the better part of 4-5 hours mentally kicking myself for not considering the investigative phase. It would've been a prime opportunity to scatter more clues and give more dimension to Solomon and Yan Wong.
pic related sums up my reactions to the very valid criticism. But now that you've mentioned it, if given time, I might take the time to add additional scenes in the gdoc to better illustrate the setting, flesh out Sathriel's aides, and set up additional clues and breadcrumbs for those who wish to read the fanworks gdoc instead of scrolling through the archived veins.
>Holding court in a biopunk apocalypse, that's awesome.Awesome and yet goddamn dangerous too as Sathriel could attest and demonstrate during Lisa's "Ace Attorney styled" meltdown. Also, it sort of brings up the thought of "what kind" of crimes that are committed in the bio-punk apocalypse when Murder and cannibalism is the practical norm given the nature of the setting.
>I liked Sathriel a lot. You did a good job of painting her personality. Someone motivated by novelty, not out of thrill-seeking so much as a tangible guarantee she's doing something that has an impact. Someone who has a bit of a myopic and self-centered view of the world, not understand why some norms would be held to ("what do you mean, crashing my obelisk into your wall seemed like an attack?") but putting a huge import on her own principles. She's not a bad person, but not exactly a good one either, wanting to do good but in her specific way that can wind up unnerving or even hurting others. It's a very clear picture of her character, I like it.I had hoped the two sides of her character (Law-abiding Judge and reckless Executioner) were clear cut and distinguishable alongside the MO of her moral/legal compass. And in that regard: Mission accomplished.
Thank you for reading.
