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Richard is very big on hugging these days. Very big on it. You don't know what your father's opinion on hugging was, because you can't remember it. You do know he hugged you right before he died. He was very calm about dying. You weren't exactly calm, but you weren't freaking out as much as you should've been. You should've yelled at him and called him crazy and thrown the knife back in his face. Always that one knife. Instead you... it was like you were out of your body. It was like you were following a routine, sort of, like you didn't have to think about it at all. And he was so calm. He made it seem so rational, even though it didn't make any damn sense. But it worked. It worked, and it left your palms brassy...
You can actually feel his heart beating, which is some kind of manse illusion, probably. You just want to think he has a real heart, so you're imagining it. This isn't his real body or anything. Or is it? Was it? You wish everything were less confusing. You wish you hadn't done it. You're in a way glad you did, but you shouldn't have done it. You didn't mean to do it.
Except you did, and short of making Horse Face summon a god again you don't think you can change it. You need to tell him. You don't want to, but you need to, and, yes, Gil stole your thunder— but not really, because Richard ignored him. Good. It's your thing to tell, not his. It's your pure and honest heart. You killed him with a knife and then he came back to life all different. That's what happened. You just need to out with it, even if it hurts.
>[-1 ID: 8/14]
"Richard?" you mumble.
"Darling Charlie?"
"Um, Gil was... Gil was right. I did kill you. That's why you died, is I— I stabbed you. To death."
"Is that so? Well, I'm sure I deserved it."
No! Wrong reaction! "You don't get it! I— I <span class="mu-i">stabbed</span> you! For God power! And it turned out to be evil, and it just makes me want to kill more people, and I <span class="mu-i">did</span> kill one person, and even though I won Annie's heart with it she just <span class="mu-i">died</span> anyways, and I don't know how to bring her back yet— it could involve killing you again! I don't want to kill you again! I didn't even want it the first time, I just— you were just telling me that I had to, and you were <span class="mu-i">supposed</span> to be stabbed, or something, and I- I- I don't even know what that—"
"Shh. Slow down." He strokes your back. "I told you to do it?"
"Yeah! But you were so weird about it, and I should've realized something was— something was— it was like I didn't even have a <span class="mu-i">choice,</span> it was just happening, and—"
"And this has been eating at you this whole time?"
It's not like that. You've been trying to think about other things. "Sort of..."
"Oh, Charlotte Fawkins. What for?" He pulls back to see your face. "It wasn't your fault, was it?"
"I stabbed you!"
"Because you were told to? I'm sure I had good reason for it." Richard smiles. "But I forgive you, for whatever that's worth."
(2/3)
