>>6067271Trust, faith, camaraderie, what men live by, but not necessarily what bugs live by. Even if some of that bug blood is now flowing through your veins (you stop yourself from reflexively retching in front of Pahan), how larger Mir vessels are commanded and controlled is nothing more than vague images to your mind.
After some consideration, perhaps it's best to sidestep the question for now. “You just do your job, and hope everyone do theirs. No point overthinking it.” In the not too distant future when you are not literally under fire you can give him a complete tour of the ship, show him how it's properly done.
Pahan ponders the answer until he realises it was a non-answer. “Reaally? This ‘hope’ Sivia Totonret do too?” You have no need for such nihilistic coping strategies, your men would never... Would they?
Yes, they would. On a certain level, you had trotted out such a non-answer time and again to push back the doubt gingerly gnawing the corners of your mind. Chernov's actions, Tim's too, certainly didn't help. “Yes, keep this between you and me: sometimes I don't trust in my own men either. Yet I must, I have no choice. And neither do you. If only there is no war...”
“There is war, always. We don't deal in hypotheticals here.” Silas pops out from behind a conveniently obscured doorframe. “But I won't fail a student who's still learning. Honestly? I would be more concerned if you still naively cling on to some ideal of this crew after all that have happened." He quickly shoos the soldier-caste back into his bunks. “Don't worry, I won't tuck you back into bed like, him.”
“So you're here to continue that talk we had earlier, Si? I don't remember anything particularly urgent being discussed when the new recruit Richard sneaked up on me.” You can barely make out Silas' frown under the mellowed light.
“Remind me to talk to you about that Richard Ergos after this battle. We need a job, something that could chain that viper to a desk while at the same time giving his hawk eyes no paperwork to read. But for now? No, nothing urgent.” Silas quickly notices your knitted brows.
“Sorry for interrupting you earlier. It's dangerous to say those ideas out loud. I do hope, nonetheless, that you find better reasons to stay on this ship than learning more about a man who could only be called father in the barest sense or winning a war which will never threaten your homeland anyway. Good night.” He makes a casual salute before leaving.
You hope your own ‘good night’ manages to chase him down around the tight corners inside this hull. With nothing else to do and a sudden sense of weariness overcoming your senses, your mind waste no time drifting away into a blessedly dreamless sleep once snugly it was snugly fit onto the soft pillow.
