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Bathic !!1oQZB1czRDh

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Bathic !!1oQZB1czRDh ID:tYcBUOmA Tue 15 Aug 2023 11:05:30 No.5736569 View View Report

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What does he mean? Is he that wary of you? You thought he bought your explanation— which was true, so he better have— and he didn't seem all too frightened then. His tone is benign, even pleasant. So it's a test of some kind? A rhetorical trap? God, you despise these. Some nerve Monty has to spring one on you when he's on the back foot, or ought to be! How rude! You should kill him for this, just kidding, just kidding. Just kidding. You shouldn't kid about that. Just because the red stuff's been quiet doesn't mean it's gone.

"You don't think I deserve it?"

Monty's smile is tight-cornered, his gaze unswerving. Definitely a trap. (It was nice of Richard to sensitize you to such things.) But what is it baited for, exactly? Is this a loyalty-test thing, and you're supposed to say you'd never ever ever hate or kill Monty, and of course he doesn't deserve it at all, and you're really sorry for bringing this up? But he's not controlling like that, or you never got the impression he was. Even with the scary stuff. A tight-ass, yes, but Madrigal's his second-in-command, and she's not exactly a sycophant...

Really, the way he's phrasing it, it's like he's angling for you to agree. To say you hate him, and stuff. But that's—

But—

That's what it is, isn't it? That's what it has to be. He would like you to hate him. He would like to be hated. He sat through your entire tirade waiting for the H-word and when it never came he started trying to pry it out of you. He's probably sitting there in his stupid nice chair clawing at his insides right now because you haven't indicated enough dislike yet. Or a proportional level of dislike, he probably thinks it is. How sad is that? That he can't be satisfied with plain old stupid and rotten? He wants you to want to kill him. To kill him. He thinks he's done something worth being killed over? He didn't even steal the damn Crown himself, or even know it was run off with. Stupid, yes. Stupid, stupid, stupid. It's not like you respect him any for this. But to want to kill—?

It's just sad. It is. You can't even properly call it 'negative thinking,' because even known negative thinkers don't think they're owed death. Maybe it's whatever's way beyond negative thinking. A wasteland, or a big pit of black goop, or Hell. Or the Edge, where you look over and nothing's there, and if you fall off you fall faster and faster forever. Maybe one of those. It's not like you can really ask about it.

Anyways, you definitely can't say you hate him now. He doesn't win a prized spot as a sworn nemesis by asking for it, that's— that's what the opposite of a nemesis would do! Nemeses are shameless! Monty is shameful, to a frankly embarrassing degree, and that seals it. "It doesn't matter if you deserve it. I don't know why I'd kill you, so I'm not even going to talk about that. And no, I don't think I will hate you. Ha."

(2/4)

Bathic !!1oQZB1czRDh

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Bathic !!1oQZB1czRDh ID:0/H4/aGF Thu 12 Jan 2023 10:58:45 No.5528354 View View Report

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Stable doesn't mean good, though. You are, probably, ill— but even that doesn't cover it, implies too hard that this is all some gross invader's fault. The red stuff isn't helping, but it's wrong to assign it blame: this is you. This is what's wrong with you. This is what's always been wrong with you: you have never not been broken and stupid and worthless inside, and none of your desperate attempts to plaster it over can fix that. Everybody can sense it. Your aunt did. Your mother did, occasionally. (She said there were demons inside of you.) Enid and her stupid little gang did. That was all Richard did, though he had it way worse— he had to live in it. You're sorry about that. You wish somebody normal opened that stupid box. You don't know if he knew that whenever he called you useless or slow or dumb or whatever, you were protesting just for show— that way down inside you were nodding along.

Anyhow. Lucky can sense it, and so can Monty, and Anthea, and clearly Pat. Probably also the Elleries. You're not sure if Eloise has caught the drift, but it's a matter of time. If Gil didn't know after today, he definitely does now. And Madrigal has sensed it from the very start, since the moment she laid eyes on you, practically, but you've been good at keeping her off the scent. If she knew, knew-knew, she'd be crowing it all over the place. She'd win.

And you might be drifting off the edge of the world about now, but there's nothing that makes you madder than letting somebody else win. God-damn her! It's one thing to be all broken and stupid and worthless on your own time, but Madrigal realizing destroys everything. You'd be packed out of town. God-damn her to hell: there's only one thing to do. You don't care how you really are, or how you really feel. You only care about that involuntarily, when the plastering caves in under repeated blows. That's fine. You've gotten real good at putting it all back up.

(2/4? 5?)

Bathic !!1oQZB1czRDh

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Bathic !!1oQZB1czRDh ID:a6j+8rOO Mon 08 Aug 2022 07:52:41 No.5366135 View View Report

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You squeeze your palms together until you can feel the blood pounding through them. "What do you mean, kind of?"

"She was less..." Hatch searches.

"She was less," Kichima says. "Less you. She was actually kind of shy? Shy, didn't know how to talk to anybody... I mean, she wasn't a pushover, exactly, I think there was an edge in there. I guess there must've been, considering the whole debacle. But she wasn't blasting herself all over the place like you do. Sam, didn't you—"

"Yeah, sure. If we're talking early days," Molina says, "she was homesick as shit. Crying all the time. I actually felt kinda bad. I think it was her dad especially who she missed, big daddy's girl, if you catch my drift..."

"Of course," Lucky says firmly, "we can infer that this was all lies. Of course an imposter and a false person does not have a father or a home to be sick for."

"Geez, Dunc, don't think anyone was implying—"

Did you drink that entire second mug? You can't remember anymore. You can't tell, either, because the colors of everything are so bright now that they're bleeding into one another. And your sense of touch has kind of shorted out, because all you're feeling beneath and around you is static.

Also, the thing just outside the corner of your vision is still there. It seems larger, or maybe closer. It is very possible that it is red.

You are on precarious ground.

>[1] Fall. On your own terms, before you're pushed. Maybe it'll be better that way. (-1 ID)
>[2] Fight. Attempt to do something. (Write-in.) [Probable roll.]
>[3] Write-in?

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