Quoted By:
>Fucked from the start
"I mean," you say, "I was executed."
"Not very well."
"Um, no, not very well. But I was, and I mean— I had a life up there, Teddy. I had folks. They weren't even bad, you know. Pops had been gone for years, and— it's not like Lottie, where she's better off, right? She jumped on <span class="mu-i">purpose.</span> I got punted." You scrape your thumbnail along the rod. "I-I-It's just the usual shit. Can't go back. Can't see anyone ever again. Can't do anything you used to ever again. Can't see the sky. Whatever. Same as everyone else. I'm not creative."
Teddy stares out across the— down into the water. Your line is whirring, unspooling, as the pond recedes rapidly. The effect is dizzying. You look up, mildly nauseated, and see only cloudy sky: your chair is perched on the tip of a too-long too-thin plank, stretched out over the water, ready to fall.
"SHIT!" you say, and instinctively scatter. Teddy grabs your unattended rod before it falls too. How far? A mile? You jitter in the air.
"Are you scared of heights?" There's no space for Teddy's chair next to yours, but there it is.
"No. No, I-I-I— I mean— not more than anyone else!" It's true. You think. You don't want to test it extensively. "Are you scared of water?!"
He doesn't say anything.
"Um, I-I-I'm sorry. That was mean. I-I'm not <span class="mu-i">scared</span>... um, I was surprised, I-I guess." You're trying not to look down, even though you can't help it. No eyelids. "Sorry. I-I'd just rather not—"
"Die again?"
Teddy's a cool guy, but he gets weird about some things, and you're not sure why. "That's not what I-I— I didn't die the first time, so, um, no. Not that."
"Mm-hm." You don't appreciate how skeptical he sounds. "I would've thought you'd attained some peace with the whole thing. You've been underwater for years."
"Two." You pause. "I-I-I guess longer if you count s-time, but... whatever. Two. And it doesn't get easier, ever. I've talked to people, and they all say you find other shit to think about, and that's all you get. Has it gotten any easier being dead in a ditch?"
"I never had much trouble." He leans back in his chair. By all rights he should be tipping off the plank. "I imagine I died honorably. You were executed. Do you regret the crime, or do you regret being caught?"
You scoff. "I-It was barely a crime."
"The latter, I take it?"
"Who was I hurting? We were about to go under! I saved the goddamn business. I kept food on the goddamn table. I should've gotten a goddamn medal." You cluster on the top of your chair. "They got me in the middle of the night. It was a joke. Made my mom cry. Made my sister cry. That's the last memory I have of them, by the way, so that's great. Probably still crying. I probably lost them the last of the business, too. That'd be about right, right? A fuck-up for the road?"
"Do you think you're very different from before you drowned?"
"No," you say immediately.
(1/3)
