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“Speaking of friends,” Mom adds as she takes her cellphone out of her purse, “I think I got one of those ‘Targeting Ads’ they have now… and look what I saw!” Pressing play on a paused video, she holds it out for you to watch! Beginning with a background of a waving American flag, you nearly spit out some more cocoa when you see a familiar delivery man step in front of it wearing a fancy new suit!
“Hey, I’m Gus.” Begins Gus in his usual Gus tone, “Lots of crazy stuff happened in Clearwater, and we need someone to clean it up. I grew up in this town and will die here, probably, so if you want someone who knows this town, vote for me–I deliver pizzas all over the place, so I know-”
“<span class="mu-s">VOTE GUS REYES FOR MAYOR!</span>” Barks a sudden and far more energetic voice over!
“That’s the guy who lives across from you, right?” Asks your mom as voting info appears on the screen, “The one who takes care of you?”
Is she <span class="mu-i">SERIOUS</span> right now!? He doesn’t ‘<span class="mu-i">take care</span>’ of me, you snarl as you give her back the phone, he hangs out and gives you free pizza sometimes! <span class="mu-i">GOOOSH!</span>
“Well he seems better than the other idiots we’ve had.” Shrugs dad as he types the website from the ad into his phone, “He’s got my vote!”
<span class="mu-i">DAaAAD</span>, you can’t vote for someone because they’re a friend–that’s, like… <span class="mu-i">nefertism!</span>
“Who’s gonna arrest me? My daughter’s caretaker is gonna run <span class="mu-g">CLEARWATER!</span>”
Laughing at their own stupid jokes, your mom nearly falls out of her chair as your dad tousles the pom pom on your toque. They aren’t even drunk yet!
“So if we can’t talk about your girlfriend,” your mom huffs as she and Mitzi share a look from afar, “and we can’t talk about your ‘other janitor’ friend…”
“And we can’t talk about your mayor friend…” Adds your dad, “Then what <span class="mu-i">CAN</span> we talk about, hm?”
I dunno, you groan, something… something <span class="mu-i">NORMAL</span>! Be parents, or something, <span class="mu-i">GOSH!</span>
“Okay…” Mom nods as she begins pondering, “... do you have an idea of what you’ll do next?”
“Sue would <span class="mu-i">kill</span> to have you helping out at the dojo!” Suggests dad as your brother shoots you a quick smile before turning back towards Mitz and Heather, “You’d get fit, have a steady paycheck…”
“And no more <span class="mu-i">DISASTERS</span> either!” Concludes mom with genuine concern in her voice. “You have no idea how thankful I am, Stanley… I just pick deities and pray every night now…”
What DO you plan on doing next?
>YOU MIGHT TAKE SUE UP ON THAT OFFER, ACTUALLY!
>YOUR PALS ARE IN CLEARWATER–YOU’LL PROBABLY FIND WORK WITH THEM!
>GOOD BOY CALLED ABOUT SOMETHING, ACTUALLY…
>YOU DUNNO, OKAY!? YOU JUST SURVIVED 19 THREADS OF PURE HELL!
>YOU FINALLY SIGNED UP FOR THAT POLE-DANCING CLASS-
>WRITE-IN!
