>>5328999"It would also feel disingenuous of me to say it when it could happen again." Guts pauses, more worried about repeating his errors than showing remorse.
"As much as I want to explain that it's not my fault, or outside of my control, it truly is. I've been hearing that earworm of a beast pestering me ever since the first day I've lost this eye of mine. It's grown louder, ferocious, sometimes I wonder if it's just turned into a part of myself."
Growing into silence again, you start seeing his thoughts as he recalls the times he's been freezing in the cold nights of winter by himself, having to tie Casca's hands and to a tree while he fended off the monsters of darkness.
Casca was groaning and complaining, feeling uncomfortable from the strong restrictions of the ropes, incapable of understanding why Guts would tie her that way while the spirits came closer and closer to possessing him.
All of that exposure without any knowledge of protective magic would eventually get to him.
Finally, his mind wanders to when they bathed her in a pond, passing his hands on her breasts didn't come with any warmth of the times they spent close, but from the fact that it's been stripped away as the miserable swordsman remembered how she once was.
Zhafira had a point in calling him a coward. He knew he had no way of taking care of her when his mind was barely more functional than her, so he left her with those who were more sensible than him. Godot, Rickert, and now you.
"If you want your revenge and to make sure Casca remains safe, you're going to have to learn to get along with others. And how to control your damnable bloodthirst, WITHOUT going off by yourself. Comrades exist to share the burden, Guts." You keep talking by yourself, as the Swordsman's rebuttals are never lengthy.
"I know what companionship does. I've had them before. The more days pass, the more I come to terms that I can't do everything by myself like I've done before. Yet I haven't gotten over what happened with them... Joining sides, forming bonds... It's like I'm waiting for it to happen again. It's exactly what 'they' would want me to do. I've brought ruin to a group of soldiers before... I don't want to take center stage on it a second time."
Guts doesn't mention the Behelit, but even without the possibility of his sacrifice or people he loves, his lack of control makes him weary of staying close to you and your friends when he could attack again without missing.
Even if it was Femto's fault, he still feels responsible and guilty for abandoning his group when he wasn't there. And after taking Griffith back to safety, it was all downhill from there.
