>>5397142So lemme guess, you groan, already growing bored, they had a few disagreements, right?
“Impatient cur…. OF COURSE we QUARRELED!” Roars the lich as you, the masseuse, and even the puppets are flung towards the doors! “I was to be the Archdruid–ME! But those thick-headed simpletons made another our leader… that’s when I knew, Stanley–that’s when I learned the hideous truth of this world: that merit means nothing… NOTHING… in the face of POPULARITY!”
Wait, you interrupt, barely stifling a laugh, did… did he seriously turn evil because he wasn’t POPULAR?! What is he, a High School Gir-
“An intriguing conclusion coming from someone who too felt like an outcast!” Sneers TIM, prompting your laughter to fade as quickly as it arrived! “Yes, Stanley… I know aaaaalll about you… you and your sickly upbringing… the handful of friends you barely managed to cling to…”
Fuck YOU, you snarl, he doesn’t know JACK!
“I daresay I know you better than you know yourself, my dear!” Snickers the lich with a hint of malice! “And it matters not–while you festered in your jungle of raging hormones and need for attention, I FLOURISHED!” TIM booms as he sends a wave of RED FLAMES across the chamber! “While those imbeciles barked at the moon and chewed on mushrooms, I communed with THE OLD ONES–the gods whose names faded long before mortals could utter them! As they grew fat and complacent, I grew STRONGER! BOLDER!”
Rising from his throne, TIM finally gives you a reminder of just how tall he is–standing upright like that Christmas tree they put up in New York every year, he leers at you with a vile twinkle in his eye!
“When those loathsome ROMANS landed on the island my metamorphosis was all but complete. Though my peers fell to their weapons, I alone emerged from the fray… and as I stood basking in the steaming blood of Druid and Roman alike, I knew what must be done–what I was born to do!”
You can almost hear a storm brewing outside as the lich dramatically spins in the air! “Using their fleeting LIFE ESSENCE, I performed the forbidden ritual–and as the island crumbled under my power, I bid the weak, quivering confines of my mortal flesh behind… and when I awoke again, the world had forgotten me!”
Clenching his bony fist in your direction, TIM’s crooked smile deepens. “Despite some… setbacks… I did not die, and though I was cut down before my conquest could truly begin, I didn’t die… and when my spirit awoke once more, I found myself in a new place… one RIPE for the picking full of feebleminded sycophants eager to do my bidding at the promise of worthless trinkets!”
CLEARWATER, you murmur as the pieces slowly fall into place, you came to CLEARWATER!
“I practically BUILT this town, you NUMSKULL!” Snaps the lich with genuine offense in his voice! “But yes… you’d be surprised what a pack of DOGS will do if you throw them a few BONES!”
>CONTD.