Quoted By:
Having no wings, jetpack, or anything that could really alter your flight path save for your marginally-baggy and comfortable <span class="mu-s">TRACKPANTS,</span> you do what any self-respecting flightless animal would do in this situation:
Scream and flail like a squirrel falling out of a tree!
If there are any squirrels watching through the portal, they’re probably pretty proud–spinning through the air like a falling leaf, your fall is thankfully cushioned by something big and strong…
… and wearing some kind of lab coat…
Before you can ask, you get your answer when both Useless and Obnoxious swing at you with their <span class="mu-s">LASER RIFLES!</span> Ducking below both attacks, you follow up by sweeping their legs out from underneath them, sending the two stooges tumbling onto all-fours just like you!
Hanging onto the orb for dear life, you feel your hands start to sizzle when you remember the damn thing’s still on fire! <span class="mu-s">YOW!</span> Stumbling back to your feet, you’re caught in the grasp of Usele-no, <span class="mu-i">Obnoxious</span>--a <span class="mu-s">FULL-NELSON</span> grasp, to be precise!
Menacingly cracking his purple-veined neck, Useless defies his family name and starts kicking you like a soccer ball! Your shins, your stomach, even one smack to the face–you get it all! Despite the barrage, however, you manage to hold firm–guess that parasite you had <span class="mu-i">did</span> change you a bit!
Slamming the back of your head into Obnoxious’s face, you instantly regret your action when you remember he’s wearing some stupid welding mask thing! Ears ringing and eyes spinning, you instead stomp on his foot and use the resulting leverage to <span class="mu-s">JUDO THROW</span> him over your shoulder and onto his pal!
“Seatbelts, everybody!” Chirps Rivka as she and her third servant sneer at you from within the orb, “Safety first!”
>CONTD.
