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While you climb the holy mountain; your thoughts drifting back towards yourself. Away from the world. It's times like this that your normal defense mechanisms fall away. It's time to take a long hard look at yourself- or so they say. You spit on the stupid tradition that brought you out here, you curse on the animal that took your water, and you feel the pain in your arms and legs as though they are the fault of the stone beneath you, but none of that is true.
The truth? You've always been a fucking <span class="mu-i">loser</span>.
You remember the times as a child; the frequent spells of loneliness- learning and living for oneself. Little family, few friends. The constant need for escape; escape into fictional worlds or even worse, scenarios one imagines. Too quiet, reserved, and “independent” to ever seek true solutions for your own problems. Did you confront your bullies? Did you ever take a stab at solving the things about the world you didn't like with your own labor and mind? No- you imagined them away. Relegated them to your control in your blissful imagination. You got many times more revenge against your oppressors by imagining yourself defeating them, over and over, physically or mentally. You played games and wrote stories where you, or later, a thinly veiled allegory for yourself managed to take over the world. You had many women in your imagination as well- never one for real. Nothing you've ever done amounted to much of anything, did it? An imagined life isn't a real life. An imagined victory isn't a real victory. You never mastered any skills, you only imagined yourselves mastering them, and then, proceed to live the rest of your life without any true conviction, no true effort, permanently crippled by your own volition.
Truth be told, looking inwards, all you see is the illusions you've built up over your life. “I could be a great man, if only I had the right opportunities”. Or I could just “work hard when I'm older”, then it will all work out then. My REAL life and REAL self isn't here yet. I'm just a kid after all. I never had true independence yet. The game was rigged from the start. It's not my fault. I didn't grow up in the right economic time. It's not my fault, my parents divorced. Yeah, so did half of all Centralian couples with children. Guess you're all just useless now, huh? Why aren't they so tormented and useless too like you are? You can't even manage to get a career valuable enough own a home or attract a woman to breed with- something animals and criminals can do. You <span class="mu-i">are</span> a joke.
