Quoted By:
>Retrospection
You crouch down inside your heads and focus.
Between you and Ellery, some things are the same. Both of you have suns. Both of you can't die. Both of you had somebody in your head, giving you advice, even if yours is your snake-father and his was some smarmy carbon copy. These things might be interesting, might even matter, but by their nature they can't delineate. The differences, then.
You think that there's two kinds of differences. There are differences that are true, but not meaningful. It is true, for instance, that Ellery is a man; that he is far too tall; that he's rather emaciated and unhealthy-looking; that he was raised— you are grasping this now— orphaned and indigent, which <span class="mu-i">would</span> explain a lot; that he is not and has never been in possession of a sword, nor a crown, nor a loyal retainer. As much as you'd like to believe otherwise, none of these tip the balance. Certainly he'd be <span class="mu-i">more</span> heroic if he were handsome, or muscular, or well-bred, or sword-carrying. But the orphan thing is points in his favor, actually, and the sword... well, you didn't have one until you got it from Jesse. Were you not special and heroic before Jesse? Was Jesse special and heroic in your stead? No. Jesse died.
You are hearing from across the chalk that plenty of women have found Ellery handsome, actually, despite or perhaps because of his malnourishment. You are receiving blurry evidence. You are utilizing your superior mental energies to wash all knowledge of this evidence from your mind, and you are informing Ellery that plenty of women are whores.
Regardless. The second kind of difference is worse: those that are meaningful, or would be meaningful, but are not true. They look and sound true. You'd like very much for them to be true. Outside, with smug distance between you and Ellery, you could make them true, at least in your mind, the only place that matters. Too bad it isn't your mind. Even worse that your heart is pure and honest. The sun burns too bright for shadows: your excuses have nowhere to hide.
Here's one of your reliable ones. Ellery is different from you, because you are bold and brave, and he is a coward, and you go out and adventure, and he hides in his pathetic dump and mopes. See? Isn't it great? If it were true, it would explain everything. It would mean he's mad at you because he's jealous and inferior. He could still be jealous and inferior— you're not ruling that out— but admittedly you search and find less evidence than you'd like. Ellery is often running, yelling, screwing up, ducking, dodging, nearly dying, talking, lots of talking, mostly talking. If he is a coward, he is a reckless and foolhardy coward. If he mopes, it is from a rank lack of alternatives. If he lives in a dump— and you sense no protest radiating over— he didn't get there the <span class="mu-i">easy</span> way, and it's not because he likes it there. And still he goes out to adventure.
(1/3?)
