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He's insulting you! Outright! When all you're doing is being nice and interested in his problems! "Don't <span class="mu-i">'Charlotte'</span> me! Have you ever— maybe you're <span class="mu-i">my</span> evil demon, huh? Ever considered that? Because I come in here to politely discuss you violently assaulting me, and you're all mean about it, and then I come in here to congratulate you, and you're mean about it, and now I come to offer my valuable help, for free, and you're mean about it, and lecture me, and <span class="mu-i">insult</span> me—"
Monty works his jaw. "I apologize. That was out of line."
"I don't want a stupid apology, I want you to stop being mean! It's not that hard! You're not mean to anybody else—"
"Other people are decent to me. <span class="mu-i">I've</span> been decent to you, far more than was ever warranted. I have offered my best advice and my best guidance because I saw something in you, and I was spat in the proverbial face." He steeples his fingers. "In hindsight, I assume my leniency was a product of your, what was it? 'Winsome charm.'"
You desperately wish he'd stop using that phrase. "No! I didn't— look, I'm sorry you were all weird, but I didn't— I didn't realize you were cool and magyck, okay? Like, if you had the spooky arm all along, I would've been all 'wow, Monty, I'd love to take your lame advice—'"
He shuts his eyes. "Why do you keep using 'cool'?"
"What?"
"Besides the obvious reason. If we're maintaining the pretense you're here in good faith, why do you keep using 'cool.'"
You're struggling to understand how this is a question. Maybe it's a trick one? Or rhetorical? "Because it is... cool? Objectively? I told you this earlier. Like, would I want a shadow goop arm? No, because it doesn't fit my, um, aura, but I'd have a fire arm or something, and that'd be cool too. Because it's about the <span class="mu-i">presence.</span> It gives you a presence. And it's distinct, like— you're probably the only goop arm man in the whole region. I could see you on a book cover, or something, like—" You strike a fighting pose.
Monty appears nonplussed. "...Yes. Thank you. Er, I'm not sure I see it the same way... I was figuring out how to remove it as soon as possible."
You drop the pose. "Um, what? That's the stupidest thing I've ever—"
"I was getting along perfectly well without it."
"Okay, now <span class="mu-i">that's</span> the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You had one— you now have <span class="mu-i">double</span> the arms, Monty. <span class="mu-i">Double.</span> Maybe you need me giving you advice and guidance, huh? Maybe you—" You have an epiphany. "—maybe you <span class="mu-i">need</span> me. Maybe we need each other! I don't know anyone else with magyck powers. Maybe I, current acclaimed heroine, future world queen, am supposed to bestow my guidance, and you, current small-time camp leader person, are supposed to bestow— it's a guidance-exchange thing, is what I'm saying. It's mutual."
The nonplussedness (nonplusseditude?) has deepened. He blinks.
(3/5?)
