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Out of a mixture of desperation and perhaps misplaced empathy, you decide to CALL YOUR MOM. You haven't talked to the ol' gal in a while, and that whip-smart noggin of hers could surely figure out a way out of this seemingly sticky situation. Within a minute of dialing her phone number, you realize your error.
"I thought I told you not to call here."
"Hi, mom." You have to remind yourself you cannot raise your voice as you are directly next to the open room.
"Hi, good-for-nothing. If I were delusional, I would've have thought you had finally stopped shaming us, but unfortunately I am sane. Have you talked to your sister lately? If there's any chance that success is contagious, you should be hanging around her every day of the week." You nearly forgot the ROHNI CREED. While not a formally written rule, it has been practiced and proven for the century that your family has been in this country. When a Rohni child hits the wonderful age of 18, they are promptly kicked to the streets to make something of themself. You're pretty sure the minimum criteria is a six-figure salary. You'd love a five figure salary. Hell, you'd love a salary, but unfortunately, your performance has been much too lackluster to consider moving you to a salaried position. Asshats.
"I haven't talked to her, no. I don't really see much of a reason to." Your older sister is a pretentious thing. She started a business with her friends from college and struck gold. You can't remember exactly what she sells, but she sells a lot of it. You dislike your sister heavily.
"So nothing has changed?"
"Nothing has changed."
"Nothing has changed, he says. And yet, he calls!" Here we go. "In the history of the Rohni name, not one child has called their parents before they're a success. I nearly had a heart attack and passed in peace, satisfied that my worthless deadbeat son has finally made the family name proud. But no, I survive to hear that you still have nothing but a meaningless fast food job and a useless degree. Thank you for calling, bambino." She promptly hangs up. Damn. You try not to dwell on this too hard, and instead direct your attention to the next person you're interested in calling.
