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While he's in a good mood, you take the chance to ask him sumn that been bovveren you.
"Nrrm, Sweetfuds. When I plupps the wimmins wiv me Arse Splitta roit-"
"What."
You present him Gobbgantua, aka Arse Splitter, which earns you a grimance. He closes his eyes and waves your pride and joy away. You cover it hurriedly.
"When I plupps em wivvit roit, I feelz like I wantz to pluppem. But after they go all gray n grinny I don't wantza plupp em. Izzit sumn wrong wiv Arse Splitta or them, yez fink?"
"Tudi. Do you plupp men."
"Ff. <span class="mu-i">No.</span>. Mm not hoemoe gae."
"What about female beasts."
"Nerrh. You meanz animals? Or beastfolks?"
"Animals. First."
"Sometimes. When derrs nuttn else ter nutt in. Don't wanna tho. Izz not va same."
"What about beast folk."
"Do they look like half wimmin? Proppy wimmin, wiv tiddies n cunts?"
"Does it matter."
"A bit. A biggy bit. If theys top half <span class="mu-i">looks</span> like wimmin n botty half <span class="mu-i">feelz</span> like wimmin, like minoturs n centurs, iz all guddy pluppy. If they don't looks proppy but feelz proppy, like tree folkz, iz okey I gezz. If yez feelen kinkish.
"But if theys has weird tops N weird botties like fish folks n snek folks, itz like animals again.
"Nnm. Ah! Sum Fighty Ones can turn inna animals, or halfyhalf animals. Those feel <span class="mu-i">guud</span>. Like if yez beatem down n catchem while theyz changed, then pluppem until they chance back? <span class="mu-g"><span class="mu-i">OOooOhHH</span></span>. Fuggen guud 'at iz. But if yez pluppenem normal and they tryda change into halfyhalfs itz annoyan."
"What of the dead. Dead women."
"Psh. No."
"Beautiful dead women."
"No."
"Why."
"S'becuz... cuz...erh. Yehh, nivver fott about dat. S'cuz they don't... gotz alivey eggzbottles?"
"What."
"Theyz babygutts. Wots wiv they plopp out grublingz after yez plupp n splooj innem."
"Hm. The womb. Does the idea of beast folk eggzbottles arouse you."
"Mmno. Gotza fink a bit so theyz proppa wimmin eggzbottles in me hedd when Iz pluppenem."
How interesting. An instinct not only to breed prodigiously, but to target the most ... <span class="mu-i">accommodating</span>, mmfufu... hosts to fertilize.
The Goblin species being only male necessitates parasitic (destroys the host for the parasite's gain) reproduction, while their instincts streamlines the process.
The Principle of Accommodating Advance under Mundane Tao (Evolution) cannot create such beings unless they arise in an area ancient with dense abnormal Qi. The Qi in this world is thin and even; there are few such places, none famous, or the Origin of Goblins would be purported, if not known.
A curiosity that bears investigation.
"I see you have your answer."
"Yaz Sweetfuds. Fanks yez Sweetfuds."
"Go away. And wash your cactus."
{loredump post
