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Your teeth clench and eyes bore holes into the girls’ grime-flecked faces as you try to plot out every possible outcome. If you had a nickel for every time you’ve been coerced into buying Gal Ranger Cookies, well… you’d have more money to spend on Gal Ranger Cookies!
Guides, ey? Leaning forward to scrutinize your would-be tour leaders more closely, you abandon the gesture when you remember you can barely see. For all you know this could save you from a bunch of annoying encounters… but it could also get you and your pals gutted and left bleeding in an alley!
Let’s say you <span class="mu-i">DO</span> wanna hire them, you begin, your voice and tone still dripping with judgemental uncertainty, how do you know they’re legit?
“Legit!?” Barks Dilah indignantly, “Course we’re legit!”
“Whaddaya want from us? Credentials?!” Adds her colleague with matching spice in her voice!
Well, <span class="mu-i">yea</span>.
“Shoot, left ‘em in our other <span class="mu-i">RAGS!</span>” Vilah retorts before her eyes bug out in embarrassment! “Err, but you may have a point, good sir-”
“We don’t got no credentials…” Agrees Dilah with a defeated sigh.
What about collateral, then? Something they can get back once the job’s done?
“Well we don’t got much…” Begins Vilah as she gives her unseen ear a good scratch, “Wait! Dilah, what about-”
“YOU’RE RIGHT!” Her friend interjects with an excited hop! “Let’s give ‘em-”
“<span class="mu-s">THE MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE!</span>”
“<span class="mu-i">If we pay extra can they keep it doooown?</span>” Groans Tzah-Tzie as she staggers over.
A guarantee’s not gonna do much if they lure you into an ambush, you frown.
“You’ve got a lively imagination!” Scoffs Vilah!
“Yea, an’ a real bright outlook on life!” Dilah ALSO scoffs! “An’ it ain’t <span class="mu-i">your</span> money… it’s some of OURS!”
Before you can ask, Dilah rummages through her ragged pockets and produces something that produces a weak, dusty, ‘<span class="mu-s">JING-JANG!</span>’ “You get some bells from us, we get ‘em back at the end of the trip, <span class="mu-i">PLUS</span> whatcha’ owe us!”
“<span class="mu-b">FIVE BELLS,</span> case ya’ forgot!” Vilah smirks, showing off her gap-filled grin once more!
Yea, that… that doesn’t change anything, though, you groan! They’ll get that back when you die too! Your sound logic is rewarded by a whining duet!
“We… we’re just trying to stay aliiiive…” Sobs Dilah!
“Aint’cha got a heart, mister?” Adds Vilah, her left eye still shut. “Pleaaase…”
“Oh no… cryin’ kids are my weakness, Rook…” Volka moans as she too starts to tear up!
“<span class="mu-i">Mine too… eugh…</span>” Growls TT, her usually smug face scrunched up in disdain!
The crying starts to draw a crowd from deeper in the district… Oh maaaan...
>Okay, we’ll pay!
>RUN!
>Take anything BESIDES bells?
><span class="mu-r">Take me where I need to go. NOW.</span>
>Can you fill me in on the area a bit first?
>Come on, quit crying!
>Stay silent! They’ll think you disappeared!
>Write-In!
