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Meryl hasn't been able to stand on her own power for the last minute and a half, anchoring herself to you as she almost falls over from all the giggling. "You were going to buy him a meal?"
"W-why are you laughing?" Alice whines in her best wounded puppy tone and looks to you for sympathy. "Aren't you supposed to feel sorry for me?"
"NO!" Meryl guffaws, shaking her head.
>FUCK no, that's all on you.
That routine might have worked when you were sixteen, but she wore it out over half a decade.
"You're so mean!" Alice pouts, on the verge of tears that you know are feigned- it's actually kind of impressive she can cry on command. Once it goes nowhere, she sneers and trades off to more direct manipulation. "So what if I have a type? I need emotional support! You know, from my family!" Back to unattainable mean girl. Clearly, she's put in the time to develop her gold-digging.
>What you 'need' is therapy. Or maybe prison time.
"Fuck you, asshole!"
>Case in point.
Growling impotently, Alice storms off in a huff.
Meryl finally composes herself. "Okay, that was hilarious, but we need to get back to making sure our family line doesn't turn into a family crash. Obviously, it's not something we can outsource."
>I dunno, do you have any rich cousins? Innsmouth millionaires?
"Not any richer than your family, I'm sure." But that's not a no... "Speaking of family, now that gifts are lined up, we can work on guests. Really, we should have done guests first, but given we're going to be buying anything they don't gift us, I guess it works out."
Meryl rolls ideas around in her head as you wander the mall. "Your family seems obvious, but I don't have anyone other than my parents, honestly. Most of my mother's family is probably too afraid of Dad to press any claims."
>Your mom's dad is...
"Dead, yes. Dad made a 'fish fry' joke, but Mom said he was human, and it was more like his head exploded anyway." By the way she looks at the floor, Meryl's serious. Holy shit. "Grandpa was head of a cult, but Dad immediately abdicated. They didn't like that. I lost three uncles before they took the hint."
>Can we change the subject?
"Oh, sorry." She wheels back to her usual carefree nature, even though a dysfunctional family is clearly standard for her. "Basically, the guest list is all yours."
Last you checked, your former best friend Chase was driving across the country with your ex-girlfriend-turned-his-wife, so while you'd love to reach out, your instincts tell you he's in no state to reply in the positive... Even if it were a good idea.
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>This isn't the worst time to get Dad's mom back into the family.
>...You should probably invite some of Meryl's relatives before they invite themselves.
>Pete McCoy's an old friend. He's even in town.
>Meryl doesn't have any friends she can pull on? Who's her maid of honor?
>You have to at least send Chase a message. Even if Jessica ends up reading it.
>Daryl has a pen pal. Worth a shot.
>[Write-In]
