>>5977476>>5977481>>5977483>>5977525>>5977644>>5977697>>5977705>>5977744>>5978259>>5981153>>5981289>>5981449Several days later, you’re able to slowly get a grip. Somewhat. Falling asleep has been rough, and getting up in the morning has been harder than normal. You keep seeing that girl’s face, and you keep feeling the thump of Denki’s legs in your torso. When it comes time to get up, you’re doing so reluctantly as a sense of dread washes over you. Clinging to your nightmares seems superior to facing another day because at least you can spend some amount of your night in the embrace of unconscious oblivion.
Masami seems to have gotten over it pretty quickly. After all, she basically sat the whole thing out. It’s not quite as bad for her. She’s still carrying a palpable sense of unease, but also a sense of determination.
Naoki is acting a bit strangely. He seems a lot more tense. Jumpy even. The dark circles under his eyes speak to why. He might be better at suppressing it than you are, but you can feel the tension in him. Even when he makes jokes there’s a very slight hint of desperation in his voice, like he’s wearing a mask and fishing for some kind of external feedback to inform him everything is fine. You try to take positive inspiration from his example, but unfortunately the two of you are just built differently.
You find solace in carving and writing in your journal instead.
Carving is the same as ever. You’re having trouble experiencing actual joy from it, but the demands it places on your focus at least drown out the negative thoughts while it keeps you busy.
Journaling is more interesting. Because you’re writing about your experiences, you can’t help but relive them. Still, you’re being oblique in your descriptions so that an uninformed reader wouldn’t be able to understand what you’re referring to. It’s the calligraphy that really helps. Focussing on your penmanship, trying to make the words LOOK good as well as SOUND good is a neat little exercise. Making the characters flow in an artful way is like a combination of both carving and painting, and your honest attempts at trying to impart some kind of poetic flow to your prose also helps you hone your creativity and senses.
It’s still dogshit, but you’re getting better.
You still feel as though you’re in a dark place, but you’re regaining the sensation of hope, coming to terms with the fact that things would eventually get better. You just needed to suppress it until this mission was over and then you would insist on a break. A real vacation. Total relaxation. Legitimate downtime.
For a moment, you feel happy.
