Quoted By:
<span class="mu-s">TTSSSSSSS!</span>
Oh, it’s a lit cigarette in your eye.
Reeling back in ash-induced agony, your basic human reaction is chided with a series of ‘<span class="mu-i">tsk</span>’s.
“Pathetic.”
Wait a second, you growl, still picking ash out of your eye, you’d… you’d recognize that gravelly, disillusioned voice anywhere!
M… <span class="mu-i">MOM?</span>
You’re rewarded with another cigarette burn.
“No, thankeenk <span class="mu-i">god</span>...” Grumbles the familiar voice dripping of <span class="mu-i">borscht</span> and <span class="mu-i">suicidal novelists</span>. “Open your eyes, Dieselchik.”
You oblige and find yourself staring blurry-eyed into a rack no amount of head trauma could make you forget.
Not to mention the woman attached to it: <span class="mu-s">MASTER LAIKA KALASHNIKOVA:</span> your <span class="mu-s">MARTIAL ARTS TEACHER</span> and the best extracurricular activity you’ve ever signed up for.
That’s not important right now though-still dazed and confused, you ask just what the hell she’s doing in your dreams!
… and why she’s not doing, y’know, the stuff she <span class="mu-i">usually</span> does in your dre<span class="mu-s">AAAAUGH!</span>
“Quiet, boy.” She snaps as she applies her cigarette to your face again, “I am your master, even een your <span class="mu-i">dreaminks</span>.”
Yes ma’am.
“Good, good…” She purrs, staring at you with her one remaining and very impassive gray eye. “Plank position, Dieselchik. <span class="mu-s">NOW</span>.”
Placing your forearms on the pinkish… <span class="mu-i">ground</span>, You straighten out and take a long breath as you feel your instructor take a seat on your back. So uh, you stammer as she gets comfortable, wh-why are you here, exactly?
“I came here to laugh at you.” She scoffs before taking a long drag from her cigarette. “Which, considerink thees ees <span class="mu-i">your</span> mind is…” A pause. “<span class="mu-i">Messinged Up</span>.”
Alright, you grunt, already feeling the burn in your abs, so this isn’t one of those <span class="mu-i">nice</span> dreams, then?
“Only time vill tell…” Your master remarks as she blows smoke in your face. “Hold zee positionink.”
>ROLL 1d100 TO HOLD ZEE POSITIONINK! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
