Quoted By:
>Yeah, you're already mutated already, so you really don't need this.
>”I’ve eaten nothing but canned burgers laced with steroids for my entire life before this trip, so yeah, I think I’m good on mutations.”
>”Also, have you seen a purple dude who looks kinda like an eggplant recently? Possibly being taken against his will to be forcibly mutated?”
"Yeah, I don't really need this. I've eaten nothing but canned burgers for my entire life, and I'm pretty sure they have like, the same vitamins and stuff you get out of radiation." You've been doing little else but eating can burgers, lifting weights, and watching movies for the last few years. You're pretty sure you're in peak physical condition already. And you don't think they have steroids in them.. maybe. Probably. "You seen a purple dude who looks kinda like an eggplant recently? Carried around by a weird guy and a tentacle? Ripped from my hands to be forcibly mutated?”
“You eat can burgers? You had better be careful with those. I hear those are pretty bad for your health.." The horrible mutant cactus man who bathes in radiation warns you. “And a purple dude who looks like an eggplant.. You'll have to be more specific."
"He has a little jester hat on. I made it for him.” You proffer.
“Oh, that. Yes, I’ve seen him in passing–..sweeping by in the tendrils of the MUTANT KING.” He shudders. “Now, make no mistake, passersby–we are no theocracy, not like the vainglorious CAR KING and his CARGO CULT. The MUTANT CHURCH and the MUTANT KING’S goals are not in alignment. We worship radiation, and the wonderful forms of mutants! The MUTANT KING.. it worships cuteness, and sweet food, and weird anime rhythm games, and whatever else happens to strike its fancy. It’s not likely to try to mutate your friend any further. No, it’s known to spirit mutants away in the night to eat them in its shrine, SHIBUYA 109. You had better hurry if you hope to try to take your friend back.. though I doubt you’ll get much farther than the MUTANT KING’S teeth.”
“Right. I got it.” It seems your worst fears were true. “See ya.”
“WAIT.” Cholla suddenly warns you, its voice deeper. “You said you only ate canburgers, correct? That is no substitution for mutation, friend. You really must come in, take a pamphlet, and enjoy a nice bath in our ooze. I insist.”
>Run away.
>Engage in hand-to-cactus combat.
>Insist you are mutated. Somehow. [Write-In.]
>[Write-In.]
