Quoted By:
>Move on
"I need to go now," you rephrase. "I need to be there. I need to watch. I need to—"
"Watch?!" Lottie can no longer contain herself. "You need to stop it! You need to protect Daddy! That's what you came for, wasn't it?"
Wasn't it? You rub your thumb against the tortoiseshell, so smooth it's silky. "Lottie, I— he's dead."
"Not <span class="mu-i">yet.</span>"
"No. He is. This isn't..." You can't tell her it isn't real. "...in the future, he's dead, and nothing I can do now will change that. Nothing. I just need to watch, so I can know, and—"
"You're always watching," Claudia snipes. "Lot of good it's done you."
"I don't— I didn't know until today. Until tonight." You drop the knife down by your side. "I don't think that's accurate."
"Oh yeah? Gimme a break. It's like picking a fucking scab, you're here so much. You go, you wander around, you relive it, you beat yourself bloody about it. Don't you remember?"
"No," you say.
"No. Guess not. Guess you're asleep. Guess that's why you haven't done shit except feel sorry for yourself."
"You don't know what you're talking about." Maybe you shouldn't have brought her. "I didn't <span class="mu-i">know</span> I—"
"Yes you did! Yes you did. Me and the lizard had a whole conversation. You don't forget mega-murdering your fucking darling daddy. You just don't. The best you get is burying it so deep you can't touch it, which works great, until you start sleepwalking around with a <span class="mu-i">shovel.</span> You never forgot."
"I did!"
"And that's why you have those wicked fucking nightmares, huh? And that's why you keep mind-stabbing your pet snake. And that's why you <span class="mu-i">know</span> something's busted in you, only you don't know what. Because you totally forgot. Sure."
"You don't know anything about me," you say, desperately trying to not sound desperate.
"Are you stupid or something? You trapped me in your <span class="mu-i">brain.</span> Not the fucking nice parts, either. That, and <span class="mu-i">all</span> I was able to do was talk to that lizard."
"The— the Herald doesn't know anything about me, either."
Claudia laughs roughly. "Sure. Whatever."
"It doesn't. I never told it..." You rub your mouth.
"Listen. Just look down."
You look down. The floor is paved, not rocky, but the footprints are back. They're sunken in an inch deep. There's something odd about their heels.
"Do you see it?"
You slide your foot on top of one. The toe of your boot slots in. The heel of your boot slots in. There's no gap.
"<span class="mu-i">Years,</span>" Claudia says. "That's how long it's been, right? Years. You've probably been here a thousand fucking times. And now you're finally here on your own terms, and all you want to do stay trapped in your dumbass cycle. You've <span class="mu-i">been</span> watching. Trust me."
"He's dead," you say. "It doesn't actually matter whether I meant to do it or not. I— I can't fix it. I can't save him, or bring him back, or— I can't even apologize! I can't. Stop it."
Claudia is pointing right at you, lips bunched, waving her arm in a tight circle. "Stop what?"
(1/3)
