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Once you lock eyes on your ass scratcher, a tear comes to your eye, which you quickly quell - can't have the Hogmen see you cry.
So many great memories come rushing back once you grip your stinky, ancient mana cane. You feel so invigorated, you could summon a second, identical meat mountain, but you hold off just in case your mana is required elsewise.
"Where did you find this?"
-inaudible snout wriggling noises-
Meltan senses your intrigue. "Found by nose... When Meltan... Discover... Mass burial site... ...Fifty...? Years ago... Was sticking out chest of... Lizard Wizard corpse... Delectable scent... But sadly... Inedible..." You look down and notice a few teeth marks on your ass scratcher. Meltan brightly looks you in the eye with a genuine and tusk-y smile.
"...Right... Well, about this Ancient Garden..."
Meltan loses all concentration. From the horizon, a harem of burly, hairy, scantily clad Hogwhores approaches. Meltan detects their menstruation on the wind, removes his war-helm, and slicks back the hair on his head with hambone grease. He looks back to you, no longer goofy-looking, instead, very serious.
"Meltan cannot explore today, Meltan must copulate, in the best interest of all Hogmen." That... That was the cleanest sentence he's ever spoken in this language - no hesitation whatsoever. How many times has Meltan practiced that line?
Not wanting to watch a hog orgy, but unsure of what will happen if someone other than Meltan holds the lamp, you're between a rock and a hard place. You make up your mind - you need to get away from this literal dung heap and smell a more fortunate wind.
"Well, I think we could still send an exploratory expedition to check out some fine areas for conquest."
The Hogwhores have finished their trek. They stop 10 feet away from Meltan and each gargantuan whore tosses a full sack of coins, jewelry and gems at Meltan's feet, surrounding your lamp in riches.
Meltan picks you up, snorts and waves his hand, passing you onto a Hogman captain with basic language skills.
"We... Scout... Goatman... Land... Now?" The captain's tone is uneasy, but he is proud and ready to survey the Ancient Garden for his emperor, who has already begun removing bras and panties from his harem.
