You are an apprentice wizard. You have been tasked by your master, the mighty Bupparbo, to scale the 50 floors of the Tower of Procandran and retrieve the Orb of Tebaal. But beware: the capricious Procandran was known for his lack of creativity and love of randomly generated encounters.
Prepare yourself for an onslaught of thematically incoherent tricks, traps, and challenges!

You stand at the base of the tower.
What do?