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STRIKE THE EARTH! You are a DORF. You've set out on an expedition with 6 other intrepid adventurers to stake out a new claim for the Dorfen Kingdom of GRIMHEIM. The KING has sent you in search of great riches and prosperity, to be pried from the wilderness with your Dorf wits and willpower. So uh... who are you?>Write in Name >Write in Primary Profession (A few options: Mining, Woodworking, Stoneworking, Hunting, Healthcare, Farming, Smithing, Crafting, Hauling. If you have a better idea, make it up and write it in!)
Anonymous
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>>5546187 >Frod >Woodworking Fuck the elf's
Anonymous
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>>5546187 >URIST MCHONEYDEW >MINER Anonymous
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>>5546187 >Urist McDwarf VI It is a sign of honor that your family line was able to survive long enough to get a Jr, let alone the 6th.
>Cheese maker (Hauling) Anonymous
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>>5546187 >FORD HONEYDEWSON THE TWENTY-FIRST >Smithing Anonymous
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>>5546187 >Joeseppi >Alchemy Anonymous
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>Ardune Axesneeze 7th son of the Mighty Choppa Axesneeze>Woodworking Every tree we chop down is one less tree for those fuckin knife ears
Anonymous
Aye, that's right - Your name is URIST MCDORF IX. You're a pretty decent CARPENTER, maker of such wonders as CHAIRS and DOORS. Jokes aside, fine woodworking is essential to getting a good colony off the ground. Or rather, into it! You also have a rather distinct distaste for ELVES. Yeah. Fuck em! ANYWAY, the wagon has come to a halt at a new site out in the wilderness. Prospectors suspect an abundance of valuable ores lie beneath the surface, and the whole crew is eager to get started. WHAT DO?> Help Chop Trees > Meet an excursion member > Slack off > Write in
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>5546239 >Look around the surrounded wilderness. Anonymous
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>>5546239 >wrestle with the local wildlife Anonymous
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>>5546239 >Look around the surrounded wilderness Anonymous
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>>5546239 >Look around the surrounded wilderness. Anonymous
>Slack off Leave the grunt work to the grunts, you say. You're a trained craftsdorf, above the common rabble. You decide to check out the nearby woods to see if there's anything that catches your interest. Instead it looks like you're the one that's caught somebody's interest... A MASSIVE BOAR pops out of the woods. He looks pissed. What do?> Thrash it > Wrassle it > Run >Write in
Anonymous
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>>5546337 >WRESTLE WITH JANK TOES MOVES Anonymous
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>>5546337 >Wrassle it Dorf wrassling has immense depth to it.
If we manage to make it bleed, be sure to throw it's blood at it.
Anonymous
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>>5546337 >use your wild card magic on it Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>5546337 >wrassle the fucker Anonymous
>Wrassle You dust off your rusty Dorf Wrasslin skills and lock horns with the fearsome bore. After a hearty tussle, you come out on top. Huzzah! Now what to do with this oversized pork rind?> Butcher > Domesticate > Let it go >Write in
Anonymous
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>>5546530 > Butcher We eating good tonight.
Anonymous
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>>5546530 > Let it go Fuck it
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>5546530 >Ride it >As in, sit on it's back and have it carry you to where you want to go, you perv. Anonymous
>>5546530 >trade it to a butcher for some of the meat and a favour Anonymous
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>>5546530 >Butcher Nothing better than bacon to go along your plump helmets.
>>5546720 Do we even have a butcherdwarf?
Anonymous
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>>5546656 +1
Hog Rider Gaming
Anonymous
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>>5546530 >Slap its shit then
>Butcher Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
>Butcher You decide to butcher the pathetic thing. Off we go. You take him over to BEBERA, the expedition's resident animal expert and de-facto butcher. "Hail, Urist." She says, busy hauling a bag of something or other to someplace or other. "Lovely that you've snagged some meat, but I've no time for it now. We've just set down! Shouldn't you be getting your uh... wood affairs in order?" Seems like she's too busy to chop up your porksteak. "Anyways, BROTAK and BHATGAR are making wicked progress carving out the den. They're gonna need beds and such. What say you?" Oh geeze. She wants you to do your job. What do?>Put down the pig and get to work >Butcher it yourself >Complain to management >Write in
Anonymous
>>5547299 >Put down the pig and get to work >use the pig as an improvised chair Anonymous
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>>5547299 >Put down the pig and get to work You would like to sleep in a bed
Anonymous
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>>5547299 >make bed using boar bones and skin Anonymous
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>>5547299 Chop down trees, eat my lunch, go to the lavatory, then I guess makes some beds....
UNFULFILLED NEED: wander
Anonymous
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>>5547299 >Put down the pig and get to work >use the pig as an improvised chair (Supporting
>>5547334 , backlinking to
>>5546720 )
Anonymous
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>>5547299 >Put down the pig and get to work >use the pig as an improvised chair Anonymous
>Put Down Pig >Get to work Alright enough mussing about, a Dwarf's gotta work. You plop down BOAR and use him as an impromptu seat. He does not like it. Looks like some wood has been harvested, and the expedition leader has put in the order for some beds and chairs and doors and such. Get whittling, Urist! What do you work on first?>Craft Bed >Craft Stool >Craft Barrel >Write in
Anonymous
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>>5547501 >>Craft Bed 10
>Craft Barrel 10
>Craft Bin 10
make all the bins out of a different type of tree to fuck with the broker dwarf down the road.
Anonymous
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>>5547501 > Make Wheelbarrows Gotta work smart
Anonymous
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>>5547501 > Make Wheelbarrows Anonymous
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>>5547501 We didn't kill the boar? Well, we're friends now. Too late!
>Craft Bed That way we can sleep.
Anonymous
Anonymous
>Wheelbarrow Yep. Orders for barrels and bins andYOU ARE STRUCK BY A FEY MOOD. As happens to DORF from time to time, a certain something in your brain chemistry has been triggered and you feel the burning desire to CRAFT. CRAFT A WHEELBARROW. Yes. You feverishly head to the wood pile and pick a few choice pieces. Then some cavy leather from the caravan and... Oh yes- some old ox bones you had laying around. You craft and ARTIFACT WHEELBARROW. All of the craftdorfship is of the highest quality. It is made from hearty oak with cavy leather handle grips and reins. It menaces with ox bone spikes. A thing of beauty. You cry for a bit. WHAT DO YOU NAME YOUR GREATEST CREATION?>Write in
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>5547613 wort da-weight, claim it as a family heirloom
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>5547613 The Wheel-boar-ow
Anonymous
>>5547613 Sanád ubas the hearkener of work
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>5547901 Support for this. Dude even translated to dwarvish.
Anonymous
>>5548068 I want to BULLY that nerd.
Anonymous
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>>5548095 I am going to bully you anon.
Anonymous
>>5547613 Wheely McWheelface
Anonymous
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>>5547901 I support that nerd
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>5547901 Perfection has my support
Anonymous
Where is my Wheelbarrow update dammit
Anonymous
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>>5550563 What do you mean? Quest's over, we won. We made our greatest creation. What more could a DORF ever accomplish? Even naming it is a step down from MAKING it.
Though I hope I'm wrong Anonymous
You craft SANAD UBAS HEARKENER OF WORK This thing is fucking SICK. You strap the pig to it and give it a push. She rolls like a dream, and you know you've gotta take it for a test wheeling. WHAT DO?>Rip Donuts in the embark zone >Wheel it into the fort >Haul something REALLY heavy >Write in
Anonymous
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>>5551079 >>Haul something REALLY heavy Anonymous
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>>5551079 >Haul something REALLY heavy Anonymous
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>>5551079 > Haul something REALLY heavy > Put it at the top of the stairs > Ride it down in style Anonymous
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>>5551079 >Haul something REALLY heavy Anonymous
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>>5551079 >Haul something REALLY heavy Let's see if "high quality" actually means anything.
Anonymous
>Move something Heavy Ok, let's see what this baby can do. You find the heaviest thing that your team brought with you... a giant statue of Dorf Hero Uglitz Bjastard. Some say he bedded the wives of seven dorf kings in his time. What a hero. Anyway, you load the fecker up and... She rolls around smooth as cave spider silk. You could really get some speed going with this thing. WHAT DO?>Roll it into base >Roll it into base (Fast) >Try to set a land speed record >Write in
Anonymous
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>>5551209 >>Roll it into base Anonymous
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>>5551209 >Roll it into base (Fast) Show off ots full capabilities!
Anonymous
>>5551209 >Try to set a land speed record Anonymous
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>>5551209 >Write in Roll it into base (lowrider style)
Once that statue comes off, turn the hydraulics.
Anonymous
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>>5551209 >Roll it into base (Fast) Gotta look good for the ladies.
Anonymous
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>>5551209 >>Roll it into base (Fast) Anonymous
>>5551209 >Write in Roll into base but with style, really strut and show off
Anonymous
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>>5551250 Changing to
>>5551649 Strut swagger and swing our massive DORF balls
Anonymous
Anonymous
>Roll into Base You decide to roll this baby into the base (With style). And by style, of course you mean SPEED. Nobody's ever hauled a huge statue this fast and danger. Speaking of danger, it seems that the gruff but loveable expedition leader STAGHUD is overseeing the stockpile placements. Right in the middle of the base. Right in the way of your stylish (fast) entrance. Watch out, Staggy! He screams in terror as the statue of his hero bears down upon him. What do?>Full Stop >Swerve Left >Swerve Right >Move Faster >Write in
Anonymous
>>5553513 Do a sick bunny hop over the guy for extra style points.
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>5553513 >Do a sick bunny hop over the guy for extra style points. Anonymous
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>>5553513 > All previous votes, at once. Anonymous
>>5553513 >move faster >Ollie over the guy/Look for a rock to use as a ramp Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>5553575 >>5554046 Supporting stunting to
maybe? avoid him.
>>5553513 Anonymous
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>>5553513 >MULTI TILE DORIFTO Can't wait for our expedition to get a legendary conversationalist, expert comedian, vampire legendary potash maker that instantly gets elected mayor.
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>5553513 >>Ollie over the guy/Look for a rock to use as a ramp Anonymous
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The statue of Dorf Hero Uglitz Bjastard fell upon the neck of our intrepid hero URIST MCDORF IX breaking his neck whilst he was performing quite possibly the most radical wheelbarrow trick ever seen by Dorf kind ending his journey but solidifying his legacy as a RAD dude