Anon, I regret to inform you that you died of ligma.

Fortunately for you, you happened to be the main character in an exceptionally low effort isekai quest. You know what that means! Fantasy worlds! Harems! Swords and Sorcery! All the conveniences of modern life, but all the wholesome trappings of that quaint little village that has anachronisms from all across the middle ages and Renaissance. Plus, everyone is hot.

Especially you. That's right, you, anon. I regret to inform you, but we have taken your "son" in the divorce. Really, give how exceptional everyone's looks are in the new timeline, even if your "son" has a respectable size to him... I'm sorry, but he would have belonged on a femboy here in the new world. So we just went all the way and made you a girl!

"Wait what the fuck," you say. Your new voice is an octave or so higher than you remember, it comes with the boobs and those amazing hips. "Why is everything I'm going through getting narrated by a girl that sounds like she's speaking through a cheese grater?"

Because you're the main character, silly!

"What?!" you demand in a tone that's becoming just a little unreasonable. "Don't you call me unreasonable! Who ARE you?"

I'm Arachne, your Goddess of Fortune!

"I'm pretty sure that's the spider goddess who gets everyone caught up in her vile schemes," you say, senselessly spouting off about Zeus's propaganda.

Seriously, how can you say that about the only person on your side right now? After all, you're penniless and naked in the middle of a strange forest that you've never been inside before~! If it wasn't for my intercession on your behalf, the only things you'd have on you that were of any value are those soft pillows on your chest, and that warm place between your thighs. Both of which are very good, but I assume you'd rather not buy your bread on your back, yeah?

"I mean..."

You're not gay, are you anon?

"I mean, I'm a girl now, so... no homo, right?"

Hah! Cigarette. But let me put it in a bit more perspective for you. You might be the hottest piece of ass in this entire isekai land thanks to Aphrodite fucking with things (not literally, for once), that's true. But do you really think that the denizens of a dark and scary forest are the type to pay for the company of a...
>Human
>Elf
>Dwarf
>Catgirl
>Doggirl
>Other

"with..."
>Giant booba
>Big booba
>Moderate booba
>Smol booba
>Justice
>Lolimode (FBI OPEN UP)

"What did you even give me, anyways?" You complain, ever the ungrateful mortal who doesn't know her place. "Stop that. But, whatever it was, it's certainly not clothes."

That's because Aphrodite kept complaining that I was covering up perfection when I tried. But if you must know, if the body of a Demigoddess wasn't enough for you, I made a little deal with my boy Hephaestus to get you one of those fancy [Cheat Items]!
>The Invincible Pickaxe
>The Undefeated Farming Implement
>The Peerless Cooking Utensil
>The Magnificent Fishing Rod
>The Stupendous Sewing Needle