Your name is (write in), and at only 25 years old you are the best and highest-paid football player in the world. There’s still a long road ahead before you’re widely considered the GOAT, but deep down that’s already your reality — just another fact. With your recent achievement of a fifth ring and another MVP, even the most stubborn critics accept that, at your current pace, your coronation is inevitable. Your idol Tom Brady can only watch as you reach his numbers at lightning speed. He respects you, admires you, and says that in five years there won’t be any serious debate left — you’ll be crowned while still in your prime. Your impact on football is something incredibly rare in the world of sports. Hopefully nothing bad happens to you before that.

…

Taiwman, late February.

You’ve been celebrating the championship for days in a nonstop party. You landed your private jet here, loaded with rich friends and wild girls, so you can all enjoy the new futuristic district filled with robots, super-drugs, and flying cars.

Your best friend is:

>Raptor, a punk pornstar with a split tongue and a very intense palate. She loves vampires and knows everything about dinosaurs.
>Fugaku, a professional ping-pong player who also carves swords into bamboo for fun.
>Alexey, a blind Russian singer who jokes about how easy life would be if he had telekinetic powers.
>Julian, a Mexican running back who loves insects.

You’re invited to the magnetic bullet train — the kind where passengers can’t feel any acceleration — by a cute Chinese girl,

>Zhang, who has a dragon tattoo on her back
>Mei Mei, who has a demon tattoo between her breasts
>Khadija, who has no tattoos and wears a hijab
and in a sudden wave of horniness, you rent the entire train to throw a party with all your tourist friends.

Your phone rings. It’s Tom Brady himself, calling your personal number!

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