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So I found a better thing to make my background pyaa black because I'm not fucking about in a shed while drunk in the middle of a winter evening: a black garment. Of all the obvious things.
To test its effectiveness, I built a trippy garden and spent about ten minutes balancing a fucking clickits flower on the end of an antenna. That's not the only illegal connetion here, but I believe that in spite of my cheating, that cactus is MY FINEST WORK.
More info when I have pissed out all this whisky.