>>10481135They love me, I guess? Also they made a lot of dumb decisions and it's partially why I'm still in this mess so they feel kind of guilty, I think. But really, I have no other expenses. I don't drink, I buy some clothes once per year (always wear shirts and cotton pants, get a pair of shoes every 2 years or so), I don't go out, I don't play vidya anymore. My mum's turned into a dog and cat mum and keeps amassing more and more. Dad just works, as he's always done. Both are just banking on me escaping the free market grind they're in and doing something with my life. I suppose buying me my expensive dolls is something they see as keeping me sane. But desu my mum spends 100s every week on the various dogs and cats and whatever, so she can't really judge me.
We've just always had a very close relationship, almost more like siblings than parents. I talk them about 5 times per day. Apart from me nothing in their life really exists, as I said, so why not keep me happy? I honestly do feel somewhat guilty that I'm taking advantage of them, and mostly because I don't love them enough (can't help it, I can't feel close to people in general, it all feels like an act), but I can't turn off my OCD either. I just make sure that every purchase I make isn't disposable and is something I really want. I have a whole system and everything. Rules and sub-rules and everything, a 10-year plan, the whole shebang. I just hope that I'll eventually make it and do manage to pay them back in a form (my dad's always wanted a Harley for example).
You get into things and then you get into others and it explodes from there and then you want more and more, and they start losing their meaning, and collecting turns into a way to recapture some nostalgic future that never came to be, and your trips to the past get shorter every time because the "hits" aren't as strong, and in the end you wonder why you even started in the first place... I don't know, I'm just rambling.
