I have a small and loved collection, but for a long time I haven't been able to buy anything. One part of me wants toys, but the other half is too nihilistic to enjoy them. I look at something I want and ask myself, "will owning that thing make me happy beyond the brief moments of unboxing and playing with or looking at it for a few days at most?" "I am going to forget about it and appreciate it only when I remember it exists, only to forget again." "I get more value out of looking at pictures of the toy and searching for listings online than I would physically owning it." What's painful is that all these thoughts are true about me. I enjoy window shopping, and buying toys means the powerful impulse of wanting is replaced by the complacency of having that desire satiated. Once it is in my hands, I realize that the toy I wanted so badly is far less enjoyable now that it's in my possession, and it just sits there, rotting on my shelf. It's like appreciating fine art; viewing and admiring art or toys in an age where I can freely see them again and again makes my private ownership pointless. My imagination of what it would be like to have what I want is somehow more satisfying than physical reality. I've philosophized myself out of one of my favorite hobbies, and it makes me incredibly sad because I want to enjoy toys again. I hope this post doesn't take anyone down my road, and I hope that you all continue to enjoy this hobby. I keep coming back to see the pictures and talk with the community, but I don't know if or when I'll buy anything again.
