My 10-year Highschool reunion was last summer. I was stoked for it all year and couldn’t wait to see all my bros from the football team again. I even cut back on the carbs some to look fit for the ladies. I barely recognized anyone at the reunion. Where were all my football bros? At last someone pats me on the back and says, “Hey Anon! How you been?” I was dazed and had no idea who this was. “Anon, it’s me, Terry. The football captain.” I just couldn’t believe it was him. He looked so frail. We caught up and he started telling me about how he collected these funko pops and had an entire room full of them and something about some capeshit movie that was in theaters and how I have to see it. I felt sick and excused myself to get away from the cringe. As I looked through the crowd I noticed it was mostly women. A homely looking one approached me and said, “Anon! You look so cute.” She looked like my science partner Erik, but introduced herself as Erin. She told me how even though she was hesitant at first, transitioning was the best decision she ever made and even suggested that I try it. I needed space and ran to the bathroom. As I was splashing water on my face, I hear a, “psst” coming from the handicap stall. It opened and emerged Steve. Steve was that fedora wearing loser who posted on 4chan. I was surprisingly relieved, even though Steve was a fucking loser, it was nice to see someone who hadn’t changed too much over the years. He starts telling me about how capitalism is this wicked beast like the devil and to survive people must continue to increasingly consume. He mentions some study about how women do 80 something percent of consumer spending, but it’s still not enough. To ensure the survival of capitalism, the elites are using the media and other influences to brainwash men into becoming women, which will result in increased consumer spending. I just laughed at him and lifted my dress to take a piss.
